Advice

[Myalilysally]

How do I tell my husband I want a divorce?

We’ve had a lot of ups and downs, but in the last few months I’ve come to the conclusion I want out.

We muddle through bickering and giving each other the silent treatment - but he does say he loves me and tires to be intimate- I don’t.

We haven’t been intimate for nearly three years throughout the rocky patch.

I was going to wait until the inevitable next row where he is verbally nasty, to say I’d had enough - but he seems to have gone into nice guy mode. And I’m really struggling to contain myself. I can feel myself going to explode and I’d prefer to do it i a calm way if I can.

But he has history of twisting things, I’m crazy, don’t know what I’m talking about etc.

Thanks.

Btw I have no access to money either. It’s a joint account which I have to account for what I spend (I was going to set myself up in a house before telling him, but I have no way to do that)

I would speak to Womens Aid when you can, alternatively you can go into Boots and use their consultation room to access domestic violence support services. Ask for ANI. You also need to seek legal advice from Solicitors asap. His nice/nasty mode is really the cycle of abuse (he's currently in the nice phase of this) and that cycle is a continuous one.

Twisting things to suit his narrative is a covert type of emotional abuse where he as the bully or abuser misleads the target creates a false narrative and makes you question your judgments and reality. Ultimately, you as the victim of gaslighting starts to feel unsure about your perceptions of the world and even wonder if you are losing
your sanity.

re your comment:-
"Btw I have no access to money either. It’s a joint account which I have to account for what I spend"

This sounds like financial abuse given how he behaves towards you and such men like your H are rarely solely financially abusive. I note too he has been emotionally abusive towards you (that is him giving you the silent treatment for not complying).

You need to plan your exit from this marriage carefully; your safety is of paramount importance here.