Looking for advice. I feel so confused. I have been with my husband 5 years. Married for 3. I'm a step mum to a boy and a girl. He was a widower and because his children were young at the time he wanted me to take on the role of mum. I did we were a family.
However the eldest child had problems and my husband would skirt round the issues. This is where it all went wrong. My husband decided last year he didn't want the children to have boundaries he wanted a quiet life and for his children to do what they want. I have no option but to go with what he wanted as I was trying to save my marriage.
It landed us or rather me in trouble with the children making aligations that I was unkind to them. My husband had told me I was not allowed to speak to them. He would do everything. So I left him to do everything. No clean clothes, no bed times, electronic devices unsupervised in bedrooms.
The children were happy, my husband was happy and I threw myself into working more. However one of the children were not happy and made alligations which were investigated by social services.
My husband took the blame but it was me who was investigated as I was the one the alligation was made about.
After many months I was completely cleared of the alligations. During that time I hit rock bottom. My husband thought because I was in the clear we could just go back to normal.
I have been to very dark places and life has not been the same since. But I've picked myself up. My husband is doing everything for his children. I find it hard so I work to avoid it.
A few months ago an old male friend contacted me. We dated but he disappeared before I met my husband. I always wondered what had happened as we were really good together. We spoke for hours it was like we picked up where we left off.
That old me was still here. Me who I had lost was still here I could feel it.
My relationship at this point was not in a great place. I was just carrying on. Waiting really for the next disagreement or to watch him not react to his children constantly.
It got to the point I needed a break and I walked out. I finally did it. I knew I was going back but I needed space. I met up with my male friend and the connection was instant. He regrets not contacting me but he explained why.
We chat every day, morning and evening. I guess I'm scared. I'm scared to leave in case I give my comfortable home life up, my plans made with my husband, my future. But then I realise home life is not great. Is the grass greener on the other side? Do i want to be single again? I dont know what to do. Advice greatly welcomed