Is there therapy for this?

[picolata]

My husband doesn't have much control over the way he reacts to things and is very defensive.

For example if I'm struggling with anything and ask for help, his reaction is saying he shouldn't need to help because he did XYZ, or sighing and doing it reluctantly.

If I try and talk about it he says
“Oh we need to pick through all this now do we?”

Basically he is a grumpy sod, he knows it and says he doesn't want to react like that but when he is asked to do something it triggers a rebellious feeling and he can't over come it. He's always been like this but Im getting to the point where I just can't tolerate it any more. If he is willing to work at it, I'd like to give him that opportunity.

So what is the best way for him to work on this?
My feeling is that he needs to figure out where this comes from and maybe some coaching on being assertive (rather than passive aggressive)

You can have all the insight in the world about your husband's issues and where they come from, but if he doesn't want to go to therapy then he's not going to change. Therapy itself is a gruelling process when it's working, and many people will do anything they can to avoid it, so it doesn't bode well given one of his patterns is to blame anyone but himself.

But there is something highly effective: therapy for yourself. To understand why you chose a man like this, consciously or unconsciously, and why you continue to analyse and tolerate it rather than leaving and living your life.

@Regularsizedrudy

Shouldn’t HE be the one asking this question? If you are doing the leg work of looking into this he clearly doesn’t actually want to change. There’s no therapy for being an arsehole.

This ^ @picolata You are falling into the same trap I did.

He pays lip service to understanding what he is doing wrong and whips out the all encompassing 'I want to try harder' -

He doesn't! It is a delaying tactic, it's working and here you are doing all the leg work as usual as he sits back smugly in the knowledge that he can string you along even further.

Sorry OP I vote LTB, it's the only way with someone like this.