Talk time about breaking up with a nice guy…

[Tonkytwo]

I have had my fair share of bad break ups. Awful divorce with ex husband after his fair and before that my precious relationships all ended because of some sort of betrayal or incident that made the break up pretty inevitable (to me anyway).
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years and I guess all along I’ve sort of felt it isn’t the right match for me. Don’t get me wrong, he is a lovely man and very kind, generous, good listener etc and that’s what’s made it very hard to navigate a break up. I’ve wonder is it me as if he’s so nice why can’t I just continue but I think I’ve come to realise he is a nice guy but just not my nice guy.

Can anyway share their experiences of this and describe how this feeling played out for them? It’s really new to me and I want to be kind to him, I guess I let it run on for so long as I thought I was the issue (baggage from my marriage) but I think ultimately I just don’t have the feelings for him that I hoped to but this is such a new scenario for me, I’m doubting those feelings too. My friends all say if he’s nice and kind and we get on well (which we do) then just continue with it but I think if I know my heart isn’t in it it’s fairer to end it.

Any advice or experiences would be appreciated

You just need to say, " I really like you but not in a romantic way, so this isn't going to work for me. Sorry if it's a shock."

Don't go into any further detail. Just repeat.

Thank you. I actually do like him as more than a friend though, definitely it is romantic when we are together but I just don’t have the same desire to see him all the time etc the way he does me

I was in this position last year, finally met a genuinely lovely man who prioritised me and loved me. Great right? But I just wasn't in love with him. I tried to let it grow but in the end I accepted it wasn't right for me and I let him go. It really hurt him and I'm very sorry for that but I'm glad I ended it when I did instead of patronising him for the next however many years. I posted a thread about it on here asking if it was possible to just settle and someone told me if deep down I didn't really want to be with him I would end up being irritated by him. That advice was right and I only wish I'd not wasted so much of his time. If you truly don't feel that passion for him - let him go x

Tonkytwo - have you decided on what to do? I'm in the same position and feel so sad as I'm going to really upset him.
FuckThatBullshit - how did he take it?

I'm in a similar situation. Our relationship was romantic for about a year (although the first few months of that was actually a LDR) but since Christmas I've not been feeling it. We don't live together and I have already told him several weeks ago that I want to take a step back, but in his eyes this is a temporary phase and he fully expects us to get back to where we were previously. I see him as a good friend, but I don't want to be romantically or sexually involved with him again. We're bobbing along as good friends at the moment, but I know the conversation is coming soon .

WhenDovesFly - What's LDR?

Hmmm I’m kind of thinking the same but wondering if I’m overthinking it or not?!

I’m also fed up of internet dating, 50 and would love a relationship!

@Cupcake00

WhenDovesFly - What's LDR?

Sorry, LDR = Long Distance Relationship. He moved away for a few months due to housing issues but then came back to my area.

I was in the same situation...he was upset but I wasn't ready for a relationship...
Met him at a wedding a year later and we re married almost 20 years with 3 kids.
It wouldn't have lasted first time around for sure