Hi all, I’ve already decided I need to leave my husband but I’m just so scared to do it.
We’ve been married for 15 years and have 2 children 9 & 2. Throughout our marriage I’ve caught him many times on dating apps, messaging women and he would always either lie or stonewall me then lovebomb and twist it and make out I wasn’t giving him any attention.
When our first child was born I admit I was like a crazy woman, I wouldn’t let him do anything for her and I wasn’t particularly nice towards him, I could of been better. He says I always take the kids side if he tells them off for something and make him look bad which I have gotten better at not doing.
For the past 5 years he has worked abroad on and off for months at a time. Still I would snoop and find he had been messaging women, I know I should of left him the first time and I shouldn’t snoop.
Up until 2.5 years ago I never thought he has physically cheated on me, this is where it gets insane and writing it down I know I look crazy to still be with him…he had given our child his old phone, he was working abroad and I was pregnant with our now 2 yo. I looked on the phone and it was logged into Instagram, I looked at the messages and found that he had been cheating on me for 2.5 years, with a woman who works as a prostitute (he wasn’t paying her every time) he had even gone on holiday to another country with her when he was working abroad. I saw pictures of them together, nudes she had sent him etc. it absolutely tore me to pieces and I didn’t tell anybody so I was dealing with this all myself.
When confronted he lied and then when he realised I knew everything he tried to blame me. I’m an idiot I know and he eventually apologised and I thought he was sorry etc we decided to stay together.
I had our baby and we moved abroad to his place of work, our child is 2 now and I’m absolutely sick of it he did not stop all contact with this woman. There has been more women I’ve found that he had been speaking to/meeting in the time he has been working here. And he just keeps lying. I’ve felt suicidal the past month and I just hate myself, I’ve had 5 miscarriages last year and I feel that that is a sign that I need to leave too. I will leave because I know he won’t change and I can’t do this anymore but I feel so bad my kids will grow up without us both in their lives. I’m so embarrassed about everything and have never spoke to any of my friends about it. They think we have the perfect life. It’s horrible because I think i do love him, or at least I love the person he sometimes pretends to be.
This is really long sorry I’m a mess I just needed to get it out