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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Never got the memo…

21 replies

SilverShoesandHandbag · 01/04/2022 16:58

It seems I’ve been left out of a works night out. I only found out by chance after speaking with a colleague (who had since retired) and she mentioned about it. The woman who arranged it I always got the feeling she didn’t like me anyway. Now it’s confirmed it.

As it’s this evening (apparently) I’m feeling like Billie no mates. Im not sure what to do but am left feeling quite shit about the whole thing.

Has this happened to anyone? What did you say or do?

OP posts:
excelledyourself · 01/04/2022 17:30

That's shit, OP. I'm sorry. How many people are on this night out?

No advice really, but checking in.

Hope42022 · 01/04/2022 17:33

Sorry this is happening to you. I haven’t really got any advice just letting you know you’re not alone. I’m I recently changed jobs and am basically the only woman in the office. Often I hear the men asking each other about drinks and they all end up going but never inviting me. I’m not sure I’d want to go anyway but it feels rubbish not to be included.

GaryTheCat · 01/04/2022 17:35

Ah, that’s rubbish, sorry… must feel horrid if it sort of came out of the blue.

Is it a small clique from a large team or the whole team? How many going?

Pookymalooky · 01/04/2022 17:36

Are you friends with others going? Why not turn up as if u knew about it all along and see her face, she will look bad if she tries to get out of it?

Alfr · 01/04/2022 17:39

Do you know where they're meeting up? I'd be really tempted to meet a friend there, and do a "Good Lord, what are you lot doing here?". Assuming, of course, that she hasn't told the others that she left you off the list, and that they will be very surprised when you say you weren't invited

PicaK · 01/04/2022 17:39

I looked for another job. They've invited me out twice since I started 3 weeks ago. Which has been lovely. Also given me a chance to reflect a bit on the other place. Different culture and context. Initial upset has gone and I rate them positively but in adifferent way now.
You can only control your reaction...

Original poster
SilverShoesandHandbag · 01/04/2022 18:25

I’m more friends with the colleague who has since retired. I’m feeling a bit disappointed in her also as when she mentioned it, i sort of got the idea she knew I hadn’t been invited. It’s left me feeling so hurt.
I’m not sure where they are meeting up but I wouldn’t want to bump into them, can’t be bothered with it all.
Sorry for those who have also gone through the same 😞

OP posts:
Original poster
SilverShoesandHandbag · 01/04/2022 18:26

I think there’s the 7 of them going. It sucks. Why do some people do this, I’ll never understand.

OP posts:
Mooloolabababy · 01/04/2022 18:35

Oh op, that's crap Sad
I hate people getting left out, there's just no need, it's shitty behaviour.
How many are out compared to the number of people that work in your dept? Are you the only one not invited?
Shit behaviour by your retired friend too, Think I'd be distancing myself from her Thanks

Darker · 01/04/2022 18:42

I wouldn’t get too upset about it. The person organising it most likely just invited a few people they like and thought would get on and thought no more of it.

People often get into little groups for lunch or drinks or book club or whatever and it doesn’t have to mean people are being deliberately excluded.

PatientlyWaiting21 · 01/04/2022 18:58

That is shit and very petty on the organisers part. Call them out on it, ask if they had a good night when you see them. Then move on. They’re not your pals thankfully.

NotMeekNotObedient · 01/04/2022 19:19

Is it something the company has organised, so a paid for team night out? If so it's definitely not on.

If it's your whole team excluding you, not on.

However if it's a group of friends from various departments and you're not the only employee to be left out...I'd say not unreasonable to only socialise in your free time with people you like.

But honestly, I wouldn't sweat it, these people obviously aren't very nice and why would you want to be friends with them?

Find your own tribe, even a new role if necessary. The culture at this company doesn't seem great.

Lougle · 01/04/2022 19:37

I understand and it's not pleasant to find out that you weren't invited. I'm sorry.

5128gap · 01/04/2022 21:00

Its childish and nasty. To give it some perspective though, you're not Billy no mates, you're Billy got on the wrong side of Queen bee, with no mates with the guts to stand up to her. The others no doubt have no problem with you, but people can be very weak when it comes to challenging the organiser of something.

winterchills · 01/04/2022 21:58

She sounds like a nasty cow. Weird that the other haven't said are u coming out tonight? Almost like they know your not invited so haven't mentioned it

Deedee121 · 01/04/2022 22:15

That's bloody awful and boils my blood. Agree that they sound rotten though. Think I'd be looking for a new job.

TheBigDilemma · 01/04/2022 22:20

Op… try to see the positive on that, do you really want to spend any time with these people?

I hate work do’s, they always descend on someone with bad taste pretending to be almost aristocratic, the one that orders bottle and after bottle of wine and then insist everyone should pay for them whether you are drinking or not and the never absent person that order 3 courses, the most expensive in the menu and then gets offended when someone suggest that everyone pay their own. Nightmare!

liveforsummer · 02/04/2022 06:35

How many are there in your team? If it's 8 then it's out of order but if there are others not invited and this is more a woman from your work suggesting to friends of hers from work a night out rather than an actual work do then I don't really see an issue

ISmellBurnings · 02/04/2022 08:36

Ouch. I would say that’s quite mean of your friend to mention it if she knew you’d been left out. Why do that?

layladomino · 02/04/2022 12:44

Possible reasons-
She's a nasty person who enjoys the power of leaving people out
Genuine oversight (Oh I though X was asking you / No I thought Y was asking)
You've refused lots in the past (start to assume you don't want to go)
It was arranged as a group when you weren't there, and noone thought to ask those who weren't present at the time - it isn't personal

How do you get on at work?

layladomino · 02/04/2022 12:45

Correction - I said 'she' when I should have said 'they'. No idea if arranged by male or female of course.

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