Trial separation

[Sweetporridge]

Has anyone tried a trial separation along with marriage counselling and had a good outcome? Particularly if your partner can be abusive. I know how this sounds, why would you want to stay with an abusive partner. I guess I’m wondering if my partner has any chance of changing by going through a counselling process. Or are men like that not able to change? He doesn’t see that he is the problem. My reaction to his behaviour is the problem. If I didn’t get upset, he wouldn’t get angry. But I am wondering if there is a chance he might see what he is doing if an outside party is able to point it out.

When someone blames you for their behaviour - or says you are being too sensitive - that is gaslighting.....
I have put up with an abusive husband for years....till I realised - why am I accepting this behaviour from him - why am I letting someone belitting and gaslight me who has no empathy for my feelings at all. I planned over the last three years to make myself financially independent so that I could provide for my kids without his help - I left five weeks ago and its the best thing I have every done. Dont get me wrong...it can be scary - everything on me- but we only have one life. Choose your happiness and peace....... someone who blames you for their behaviour will never change....you can only change and put yourself first

Please don't waste any more of your life on this man.

With you, he is abusive. With someone else, he might not be. That's a harsh reality. But the pattern is set between him and you. Do you really want to invest more of your life in him? Trying to get him to change when he's already had the opportunity to be a good partner and chose not to?

He doesn't care what he's doing, and marriage counselling will just mean he's pretending to get through the counselling. He won't improve because he doesn't want to.

Divorce rather than trial separation is the way forward for you.

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.

Such men do not change. He does this because he can, it’s learnt behaviour and it’s worked for him. Even years of therapy will not help and in any case he will need years of therapy. He is angry because he is abusive, not because he is angry.

Abuse is about power and control and he wants absolute here over you.
Do not undergo joint counselling with him under any circumstances, it is not recommended where abuse of any type is present in the relationship.

You are also not a rehab centre for such a badly raised man. Do not further act as one.

Do contact Womens Aid here and do consider seeking legal advice too.