Dating - anger management

[Newpjamas]

Would you date someone who told you they had amger management when they wer a young teen
Can be hot headed or used to be
But they now have a perfectly respectable job in a school

I’m not sure. I’d wonder why they were telling me now of it was something from their teen years - would make me wonder if anger was still an issue for them.

It came up in conversation really

Depends. It's clearly something that he went through - an important time in his life that he's sharing. The important thing is wether he learnt from it. It's from years ago so I'd hope he's had a lot of years to grow up and turn his life around.

It's probably too early to tell wether he still has anger issues but if you want to continue, you know to keep your red flag radar switched on.

Id also maybe try press a little deeper, what led to the anger issues in the first place? And has he dealt with that? Was it a crappy childhood for example? It's important to deal with the root cause of the anger.

Hmm probably not tbh

I think it was to do with being bullied

I think they are warning you so you can't be upset when they inevitably lose their shit. Then again, I am a cynical bitch.

It would be a hard pass for me.

Thanks
What would you say?

@HellToTheNope

I think they are warning you so you can't be upset when they inevitably lose their shit. Then again, I am a cynical bitch.

It would be a hard pass for me.

This was my thought too but I’m cynical as well… loads of abusers say they have issues with anger management when actually they manage it just fine with big blokes, just not their partners…

Amber flag until you’re sure he’s fully reformed

@Newpjamas

Thanks What would you say?

You mean in terms of calling it a day? I would just say it's been nice meeting them but it's not a good match for me.

You don't owe anyone an explanation as for why you don't want to date them.

Time will tell but I wouldn't cut him off for that alone if I otherwise liked him. My brother was a git in school - always in detention, often in fights. He's the complete opposite now, very lowkey sensitive patient great dad etc.

It's hard to tell without having met him personally.

Also, Clare's law.

Assuming it was decades ago, I'd wonder why he thought it warranted telling you, as we're all very different than we were at 13/14, surely - unless as other posters suggested he's trying to set you up to tolerate his nonsense later on.

How old are they now OP, and what do they mean by "can be hot headed or used to be"? Are they saying they can still be hot headed? If yes, then I'd avoid. If they're now, say, 30s and in a respectable job then I may give them a chance, with my flag radar on full alert. It could have been a mix of being bullied and hormones, and they've had years to grow up, mature and learn how to handle themselves since. First sign of anger though and that would be it, finished.

Thanks
Yes @WhenDovesFly that was my thinking…
thanks all
He is very chatty and waffles on a bit so i think the conversation got side tracked it wasn’t him intentionally telling me this.

I truly believe that anger issues can be managed and dealt with. In which case, this man might be sharing something with you because dealing with his anger would have been difficult and is part of who he is.

Of course, more cynically it could be that he's just trying to soften you up for when he loses it later.

I'd be inclined to work on the assumption of the former if all else is good with him. DH did a LOT of work to manage his anger and I am very proud of him for that. It genuinely has made a huge difference.

It's difficult to say without getting to know him more. He could have shared something not realising how significant that would be. On the other hand it may be another version of those people who say, almost boastfully, that they are calm most of the time but when they lose their shit, they really lose it. It's often a subtle warning not to challenge them or do anything that would annoy or upset them. It's to intimidate the other person into a subordinate position.