Would I be justified in breaking up our family?

[Sorrypup]

I've always been bad at relationships. I like to be alone and in the past have been pretty immature at throwing away relationships and not taking them seriously.

However now I have a child with my partner and am aware I can't take things so lightly anymore. I feel like our relationship has completely broken down, but I don't want to destroy my daughter's family for no real reason.

Here's my reasons for feeling this way.
My partner:

Doesn't wash, change his clothes or brush his teeth. He maybe has a shower every three weeks but I have never seen him use a toothbrush.

We don't have sex, mainly because of the above.

He does nothing around the house. He has one job, changing the cat litter and will say things like "I only did it 3 days ago" disgusting.

He constantly says I'm boring and no fun.

We spend no time together because he plays video games all evening.

He's never spent more than 3 hours alone with our child (she's three)

He works from home but refuses to move his desk out our living room, our home has become his office.

There's many more but I'm sure you get the picture. I'm fed up. This is reason enough, isn't it?

Hell yes ! Split and stay single
Doesn’t sound like a family anyway
I’m not being flippant either

You say you don’t want to break up your daughter’s family, but from everything you described he’s basically, more or less upsent. He doesn’t seem interested in your daughter or you. It doesn’t sound like a very healthy environment for your daughter to be in.

It’s a myth that the mother and father have to stay together for the sake of the child, no matter what, no matter how bad the situation is. That’s often how children’s lives are messed up well into adulthood.

How have you had a child with this man?

He is disgusting. I don't know how you have endured it as long as you have, but if you are looking for a blessing to leave of course you have it! You don't need to suffer for decades. It would be more harmful to stay together.

Please ask him to leave. It sounds like he needs professional help but this is not your problem. End your non marriage, and I am guessing you will feel nothing but relief.

You posted this before and got told the same answers to leave.

He gets worse with each new bit of information.

Better to LTB than show your daughter that this is what adult relationships look like.

Get him out. Now.

I'm so pleased to hear that your are financially in control here, @Sorrypup This is all you need to break free of this terrible person.

I read so many posts on here from women who are wracked with guilt that they're 'breaking up the family' when in truth it's the men who are completely to blame. Why would any woman break up her family for no good reason???! It's because their partner has pushed and pushed them to breaking point, and even then we still try to suck it up and get on. So please don't think this, OP. You've already said your DD is aware of how things are, and it will only become more apparent how unhappy her mum is as she grows up. She needs to know this is not how a happy relationship should be. To be on your own, just the two of you, will be such a relief. I really hope you can get this sorted quickly x

Sorry typo - I meant ‘absent’ not upsent.

Please stop using phrases like 'destroying a family' and 'breaking up my dds home'. They are firstly incorrect, and secondly so so damaging to you and all the other women who find themselves with abhorrent men.
You don't have a family, you have a useless sperm donor who adds nothing to yours or your daughters lives.

Tell him tonight. Give you daughter a chance to learn what an unhealthy relationship is.

Yikes this prince is 8 years older than you. I would say he is predatory as well as abusive. You must have been very young when you met and had your child. He could well become difficult once he realises his gravy train is over. Be prepared, make sure someone in your life knows what's happening tonight and is on hand if you need help. Don't hesitate to call the police if he frightens you.

I read the first part of your post and was expecting to say relationships need work but after the first line of your reasons.....grim. get out now. No one should settle for this life.

Teach your daughter how to be a strong independent woman. Much better than this.

And from a practical point of view better to do it while she's small. It will only take a couple of weeks of new life for her to accept it as the norm

I am very much of the mind that staying together as a family is almost always the best thing for kids, but nope, this case is different. He's taking a you for granted and sounds like an awful person. Get out!

@Ohsugarhoneyicetea

All more than enough, he sounds utterly repulsive and I would not want my child to grow up around such an incredibly poor role model. Please get your child as far away from this man as possible and try to raise her so she has too much self esteem to put up with this in a partner. You wont destroy her family if you stay, you will destroy her life.

Excellent reply....especially the last sentence.

@Bananarama21

You posted this before and got told the same answers to leave.

So what if she did... Sometimes it's takes a bit of time to get moving.

Good luck op, make this the time to do it

I haven't posted this before, sounds like someone else has been in a similar situation.

@Sorrypup

I haven't posted this before, sounds like someone else has been in a similar situation.

Unfortunately there seems to be thousands upon thousands of you.

@arethereanyleftatall

Please stop using phrases like 'destroying a family' and 'breaking up my dds home'. They are firstly incorrect, and secondly so so damaging to you and all the other women who find themselves with abhorrent men. You don't have a family, you have a useless sperm donor who adds nothing to yours or your daughters lives.

Tell him tonight. Give you daughter a chance to learn what an unhealthy relationship is.

^^^ this

We've had the talk. It went surprisingly well, he agreed that we don't have a healthy environment for our daughter and is looking at flats now.

If we couldn't agree in a relationship at least we can agree on ending it. Thank you everyone for your support

Wow, this is exciting news @Sorrypup What exactly did you say, and how? I'm desperate to have the talk, but literally can't find the words.
I'm so pleased you've done it!!

I simply said I don't believe we have a healthy relationship anymore. He asked how we could change that, I said I have tried many times and now I'm fed up of it. He agreed and asked what our next step was, I said he should look for another place to live, so he did.

We spoke a bit about contact with dd, child maintenance, things like that. All very calm and.. well easy. Maybe feelings will come bubbling up over the next few days but for now I'm very glad to have that part over with. (And be in bed with my heated blanket and puppy )

I hope you find the words @19Bears best of luck to you