What level of contact does your boyfriend have with his family and you with yours

[henerlajobes]

And does it interfere with your relationship?
Asking as mine is super close to his. They all help each other out in every way. It's lovely but sometimes think it's expected.

That’s normal for a lot of people. And yes it will be basically expected, and he (and you) can expect it in return.

My family is like this. If we get into trouble/need help with something/ an emergency comes up- the troops will rally. It is extremely comforting but also carries the responsibility of knowing you can be called too.

If you really hate this idea though and would rather be independent, he really might not be the one for you. I’m guessing it can cause a lot of conflict to have very differing expectations of this.

And no it doesn’t interfere with my relationship with my husband as he is happy to be part of that.

I see my mom & dad for an hour on Sunday, I pop for a brew. My mom for half hour on Thursdays, when she brings DD home from having dinner with her. And we only really talk on the phone if somethings happened. We have a good relationship, but are one of those families that don’t really need each other.

DP speaks to his mom every other day (if not every day) he visits on Sundays for 2 hours, I am not invited, he has to go alone, she likes alone time with him 🙄🙄 and he’ll usually nip round at some time during the week. His mom is very needy, and very vocal about that. If ever he doesn’t call her for a few days, he’ll get messages asking why he doesn’t love her anymore! I try to keep out of that cluster fuck as much as I can.

I guess that mine is a relationship of two years where we don't live together and far apart so it doesn't interrupt us too much.
We only see each other, does to our own kids and lives, eow and a day/ night on alternate weeks.
I do find it odd that they all help out minding each other's children and doing errands for each other very regularly.

Thanks.
As long as the demands and expectations don't interfere with our limited time together , unless it's an occasion like a birthday party, wedding where we both attend or an accident or Emergency within the family, I don't foresee a problem.

We've spoken about this and he has assured me that this is his priority also so time will tell I guess.
I do know that in his last relationship of years, his ex didn't want anything to do with his family or friends during their time together so that caused a lot of conflict and led to their eventual breakup.
She had no family relationships to speak of so it was directly opposing values one could say.
I am very close to my small family and he is very happy to join me in attending all relevant family events during our time together .

re your own comment:-

"As long as the demands and expectations don't interfere with our limited time together , unless it's an occasion like a birthday party, wedding where we both attend or an accident or Emergency within the family, I don't foresee a problem".

Fair enough and as you also say time will tell. How do you see your relationship with this man going forward?.

Most people consider tight-knit families to be desirable, but there is such a thing as getting too close. Enmeshment is a trait of family dysfunction that involves poorly defined or nonexistent boundaries, unhealthy relationship patterns and a lack of independence among family members.

Children who grow up in enmeshed families often carry similar patterns forward into adulthood, unaware of the cycle they are perpetuating. I am not at all suggesting that he is actually in an enmeshed family but it is something to keep in mind here.

I will thanks @AttilaTheMeerkat .
I see a long future together but our kids will be at home with uis separately for the next 6 years and we've decided that we don't want to blend as too much upset has been caused by the abandonment( as they see it) by their father.
They need security and sameness and another man simply doesn't fit that scene at the moment, plus I need my own space and time away from a hectic life and so does he.
I don't think they are enmeshed but one of the siblings needs lots of support and they all rally around to help. It's unusual for
Me to see that as I have had to be fully
I depends from a young age.
I admire that but part of me did worry if that support system would cause conflict.
I possibly know too much about his previous relationship when he wasn't allowed to attend family events without huge fights.

I would worry that if we moved in and had children together it might be too much. That's me though, I wouldn't have wanted my parents dropping in every whipstitch or expecting us round every Thursday night for our chops and on Sunday for lunch. Luckily my mum, whilst a close and loving mum and grandma, was the same, and had a dread of routine expectations and commitments.

We did help each other, but weren't in each others' business and houses uninvited all the time. I wouldn't have rung my parents to help decorate for example, or expected regular childcare, I did it myself or paid for it. They did babysit and we visited and vice versa.
You need to talk about how you see future life in a house together before you ever move in, and to talk about your expectations around children and wider family too. If you both have very different family cultures and or expectations, it can be miserable and stressful for both parties.

We probably saw my in-laws monthly before we had my first, and then fortnightly; either meeting for lunch a an equidistant pub or at each other's house.

We saw my family less because they lived further away.

Thanks. We won't be having children together and at that stage expect
Our children will be living in the city either at Uni or working or settled down.

I see my parents a couple of times a week, and my sister. We are a close family and communicate daily through a WhatsApp group.
My daughter's just messaged to say she's on a train to Disney Paris (it's snowing) and my BIL posted pics earlier of snowboarding in the Alps, my neice is posting pics of wedding dresses and my nephew pics of the house he's buying. It's lovely.
My ExH is still close to my parents (we split 11 yrs ago) and my dad walks his dog when he's not WFH.
My now partner has a great relationship with my folks too. He took us all out for a meal on mums birthday and is taking my dad to a record fair next weekend. He goes to boot fairs with him too!
He sees his dad at least once a week (no mum) - for a Chinese take away usually!

DH is close to his Grandad and sees him most days on his lunch break, occasionally his Mum will be there too so sees her at the same time. Speaks to his Dad most days on the phone on his way home from work. We don’t see FIL very much because he travels a lot with work, maybe 5 times a year max. MIL slightly more but still not often. See my Mum once every other month.

Oh, and I was still close to my exMIL who sadly died two years ago, 9 yrs after I split from her son. She still came round to my house, once a week and cooked dinner for me and the kids, whilst I was working, every Thursday (travelling on buses across London at 78) until she got too ill. Was lovely to come home to see her, my kids being with their Grandma - and a fabulous home cooked meal.

I'm 51 now, patents only their late 70s and all GC are 18-30.

My partner doesn't have any children and enjoys being part of a larger family now, as it was only him and his dad growing up. He's 55 now. All of my friends are in close families apart from those who have moved abroad but they still have contact regularly on FaceTime. I adore my neice and nephew who are 27 and 29 now.
My parents would never turn up at my house without making an arrangement, neither would any of my family, we see each other often but it's always pre arranged.
We do all live within 20 mins of each other though! My aunt and cousins live in Cornwall but my sister has a second home there, so we still see them a few times a year - my sister sees them every month.