Just looking for a hand hold really. I’ve NC. I’ve been with my partner 18 months and just found out I’m pregnant. I was very unwell last month and assume the pill was not absorbed properly as we only dtd once. He’s 39 I’m 33.
We’ve talked about a future and children but dp was clear he didn’t want kids for another couple of years. I did say I would want to start trying at the start of next year as I will be 34 in October. He said he’d think about it but he’s never had that in his plan and he would want to be ‘settled’ before we started. That conversation happened in December and I decided to just leave it all for a few months so we could enjoy the relationship as it is.
Now this has happened I was initially happy but have since been terrified to tell DP. I’ve spent the last couple of days googling how I would manage on my own. He is very procedural in his thinking as although a very kind man, he doesn’t cope well with change or the idea of change, more precisely. He likes to reflect a lot before making decisions and it took him weeks to decide we should move in and when we did it was great. But he’s a cautious man.
We currently each own a home and then rent somewhere together in the middle ish. This is totally down to his job and I moved there as I can work from home. It’s been nice and whilst I have friends in this location we absolutely could not have a child in this flat. It’s far too small. We also couldn’t move to his place or mine as his work is specialised and it’s taken him a long time to find the job. Between us we have over 150k a year but obviously this is largely taken up by running the three places. I feel like I’m blabbling a bit here but I’m just so stressed and scared and thinking about everything.
I know I need to tell him ASAP but I just don’t know how I will cope with the reaction. He will be shocked at the very least. A while ago he said he would be excited if i came to him and said I was pregnant but I get the feeling that was just a moment of romance as we both are careful about contraception and he took an active part in discussing contraception with me. He’s also said often, in an abstract way, that having kids would be amazing and on one of our first dates he said if it happened accidentally at this point in his life he would be happy. But I know the reality can feel very different. I was absolutely shell shocked when I found out and although I had a glimmer of excitement I am also overwhelmed with panic. I feel sick worrying about what he will say.
The relationship is brilliant generally and I love him. However he works a huge amount, even on weekends and my mind has stated racing about how I would manage on my own so far from my family even if he responded positively to this.
I am so surprised I am feeling this way as I’ve wanted a family always. I am so scared and confused and worried. I’m also feeling exhausted and sick and terrified of being alone through this.