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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Friend treated me badly

14 replies

countrylady2 · 31/03/2022 18:58

I was friends with a guy for 14 years. We fell out last year as he was downright nasty to me at a meal with some friends and he also mocked them too. Looking back I always made the effort to contact him and lots of other people have said it's always them contacting him so it's more if a one sided friendship.

I have tried to get the friendship back on track but he is purposely delaying replying to messages and tried to gaslight me a while back and blame me for his behaviour because I confronted him. He has chosen to hang out with some very negative people and clearly makes the effort with them and cut myself and his childhood friends off, I understand it's his life. I know I should move on and deserve to be treated with respect but can't understand why someone would treat their friends so poorly. He is gay so it's nothing to do with him being annoyed at me dating other men. Even the purposely ignoring and delaying from him makes me wonder why I bothered why him.

OP posts:
MadMadMadamMim · 31/03/2022 19:00

Block him.

You recognise it's a one sided relationship. Stop pursuing it. He sounds unpleasant.

Original poster
countrylady2 · 31/03/2022 21:00

@MadMadMadamMim You are right. I'm going to focus on my other friendship than this so called friend.

OP posts:
chisanunian · 31/03/2022 21:04

Even the purposely ignoring and delaying from him makes me wonder why I bothered with him Me too.

Why are you bothering?

Original poster
countrylady2 · 31/03/2022 21:10

@Chisanunian I think I am struggling to let go of the good times we had but that was many many years ago before he changed or showed his true colours.

OP posts:
DatingDinosaur · 31/03/2022 21:46

You fell out last year because he was nasty to you.

Why are you trying to rekindle that friendship?

Let him go his own way. Don’t make a fool of yourself by clinging on.

Is this the same one who you showed the valentines card to?

Afterallsbeensaidanddone · 31/03/2022 21:47

Have you posted about this several times before?

Original poster
countrylady2 · 31/03/2022 21:51

@DatingDinosaur No, he knows nothing about he card. I just need to let his 'friendship' go.

OP posts:
chisanunian · 31/03/2022 21:53

[quote countrylady2]@Chisanunian I think I am struggling to let go of the good times we had but that was many many years ago before he changed or showed his true colours.[/quote]
You don't have to let go of the good times you had. You'll always have them as fond memories.

But you can't turn the clock back. Things change and people change, and by persevering in the way you are, you're in danger of tarnishing the good memories with bad ones.

Time to let go. Flowers

Watchkeys · 01/04/2022 00:01

[quote countrylady2]@Chisanunian I think I am struggling to let go of the good times we had but that was many many years ago before he changed or showed his true colours.[/quote]
You'd do well to focus on why you're clinging to the past, rather than why he behaves the way he behaves.

You can't get inside another person's head, but you can drive yourself mad trying.

velvetpeach · 01/04/2022 01:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

PandemicAtTheDisco · 01/04/2022 02:42

Mid life crisis?

A male long-term friend fell out with me several years ago I believe because I got older and he found me dull! He's heavily influenced by SM and taking selfies of him not doing anything remotely interesting. He dropped most of his other friends and started hanging around with much younger people.

I embarrassed myself be trying to keep the friendship going. I needed to respect myself more. The change seemed to start when his relationship broke down. He became obsessed with his weight, the gym and clothes. His new crowd of friends are lively but not that nice. I think it's sad when people can't handle the fact they age. Getting rid of old friendships and only hanging around with younger people makes him seem sad. He seems fake and if he's trying too hard on SM.

When I tried to ask if I'd upset him he said he was annoyed I'd not made a fuss of him when he saw me again after a holiday. I'd waved to him, grabbed a coffee and then returned to greet him properly. He felt ignored as he was excited to see me and had things to tell me but had to wait while I got a coffee. He felt I'd snubbed him. I don't remember him having to wait more than a few minutes and we'd both done the same many times previously.

The last time I saw him I stopped him from failing his course because he'd gone out the night before instead of finishing his work. He had a few hours to submit and I stopped what I was doing and helped him finish and submit his course work on time. Despite feeling upset I'd been left out of the invitation I still helped him. It was really irresponsible of him and very unlike him.

He's not bothered since and showed no gratitude. He's now moved back in with his parents and acting like a stroppy teenager. They are despairing.

SarahBellam · 01/04/2022 03:19

Move on. He clearly has.

Frannibananni · 01/04/2022 03:43

His actions are saying he doesn’t want your friendship. A polite smile of acknowledgment when you see him is all he deserves.

EmmaH2022 · 01/04/2022 15:49

Sorry OP, he doesn't want to be friends any more - if he ever did. As Richard Grannon would say, he sounds like a narc getting his "food" supply.

PandemicatheDisco wow, he moved in with folks? That sounds full on.

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