Relationship advice please

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So for example. My 9 month old has just woken up so I put him in his Walker and I go into the bathroom where my boyfriend is to have a wee! My baby as soon as he sees me starts hysterically screaming, not crying... screaming (he's just woke up so he's a bit grumpy and he's teething etc so just wants me really) I'm on the toilet and baby is outside the door (drove into the door with his walker and closed it accidentally) I'm rushing whilst he's screaming and my partner shouts sternly "baby's name" so I'm like "hey don't shout at him!" And then he replies with "ay what the fuck are you shouting at me for!!!" At that point I just slam the door and he's muttering something...

My baby's teething, just woke up from his nap and wants comfort etc so I pick him up like calm down baby shhh whatever all that sensitive stuff. I wasn't shouting at him but I raised my voice because he's a baby he doesn't understand and shouting his name sternly isn't going to calm him.

We argue like this (not about the baby) but about numerous things everyday! Multiple times a day. We've bickered so much in the last week or so that I genuinely feel like we're on the verge of breaking up to be honest. I'm not expecting any advise l or whatever I just need to vent.

He's always us so mean and short and snappy with me in the day and with me being sensitive? Any change in mood (whether that be over timings going wrong so he gets in a mood, there being traffic so he's moody, him not wanting to go to the gym because he can't be bothered which gets him in a mood!) whatever it is, I hate atmosphere changes just because he's a bit moody or stressed about something that really isn't a big issue. I've started snapping back more lately because he's rude to me when I try help him. He says something rude with attitude then he's like ??? What do you mean. I wasn't rude. I'm not exaggerating either my sisters been here times where he's said something and she gives me a look as if to say wow why is he talking to you like that.

So we obviously argue more! I try communicate but he just sighs and says he's sick of me going on (he would prefer to just ignore it after we've had a bicker whereas I prefer to explain myself and talk it through)

I'm 24 and he's 25. We've been together 5 years. I really love him, he really loves me too. We don't want to be apart but at is rate we're going to end up hating each other!

Again this is just me venting! Anyone been in the same position? My heads a mess right now. We are the perfect match amongst all of this negativity

We are the perfect match amongst all of this negativity

A perfect match wouldn't have this negativity. They're mutually exclusive. Why are you considering this relationship, where you're regularly at each other's throats, as a perfect match in any way? Why are you saying you don't want to be apart when being together is driving you crazy?

What was your parents' relationship like? What was their relationship like with you?

@Watchkeys my parents relationship was awful they were breaking up every other week and it was definitely abusive on both sides.

I think I want to hold on because we have good days that are just amazing. We know everything about each other, the love we once had was just like nothing I've experienced before 😔 there's just been something different since we first met. We broke up for a year (about 2 years ago) and no one compared to him. It's like we can't live apart. I see this arguing etc as something outside of us; like it isn't really us? I don't know. We've both said we don't want to be apart but no idea how to get past this, my heads a mess really I have no idea what to think or feel right now!

OK. Well, healthy relationships don't make you feel like your head's a mess, so this isn't a healthy relationship.

People can get on great, have a wonderful time, and be fabulously in love, but if the relationship doesn't deal with conflict well, it's not a good relationship, let alone a perfect one.

This is you, as a couple. You can't write off the bad times as being somebody else, and keep the good times as 'what you really are'; all of the facets are all you, as a couple.

Your parents have demonstrated to you that 'unhealthy' is what an adult relationship looks like, so you're thinking you should be able to make it work, even though it feel like shit.

But here's the thing: your feelings make the rules about your life. They're where you take your guidance from. They are your map through life. They are your heart speaking. And he's not interested in your feelings. He thinks they're tedious. He thinks that taking care of your heart is tedious, he thinks your heart is 'going on', when you talk about how you feel.

It's really unhealthy, OP. He doesn't respect you. He doesn't care that you feel bad. He just wants to dismiss it when he hurts you.

Is that really your ideal man? Is that what you want in a partner? Is that what you want to demonstrate to your child? Children replicate their parents' relationships, as you know.

This relationship isn't a good one just because it isn't as bad as the one you grew up watching.

You have been conditioned to accept this sort of dysfunctional relationship is normal. It really isn't. Most couples don't argue anywhere near as much as this. There shouldn't be good days and bad days. Every day should be a good one. Yes, people do disagree, but only occasionally, and nothing like as often as you two do.

You’re both young and probably stressed with having a baby. Only you know how bad things are and whether you can ride it out.

Perhaps it is a case of too much all too soon? I know I could never have had a baby or a 5 yr relationship at 24 - I was out enjoying myself and didn’t take life too seriously but I get you may be much more mature than I was - is he though?

I think you change a lot throughout your teens/early twenties, maybe the pressure is getting to him? (and you?)

@Watchkeys @chisanunian I completely agree and understand what you guys are saying I feel like I just can't give up on our journey :( every we had and everything we still could have I wouldn't want to throw it away I feel so stuck

[quote cttd1]**@Watchkeys* @chisanunian* I completely agree and understand what you guys are saying I feel like I just can't give up on our journey :( every we had and everything we still could have I wouldn't want to throw it away I feel so stuck [/quote]
If you keep choosing what might happen tomorrow over what is actually happening now, today, your head will stay a mess. He's demonstrating to you clearly, in real time, how a relationship with him makes you feel. In the future you could have a relationship with somebody who has never let you down like this. With this guy, you'll always know he's capable of hurting you like this and dismissing your feelings.

[quote cttd1]**@Watchkeys* @chisanunian* I completely agree and understand what you guys are saying I feel like I just can't give up on our journey :( every we had and everything we still could have I wouldn't want to throw it away I feel so stuck [/quote]
He's your first and only serious relationship as an adult. It's normal to struggle with the idea of moving on from it.

You sound like you are confusing grief and fantasy with reality, though. I don't see what basis there is to think this will magically turn good just because you wish it would. Especially when you're currently repeating dysfunctional behaviour patterns that were modelled growing up.

Your memories and shared experiences aren't erased when a relationship ends; it makes no sense to be staying in a toxic situation in the present as a way to hold onto the past. What kind of life is that?

Make your decisions based on the reality of the present, not nostalgia for the past or wishful thinking for the future. The present is the only thing that is real.

I feel like I just can't give up on our journey

What journey? You're in a toxic deadend.

What a dreadful environment to raise a child in. Sorry, op, but it's time to grow up and stop believing in happily ever after. This relationship has run its course, and should have ended years ago.

@cornflakedreams

I feel like I just can't give up on our journey

What journey? You're in a toxic deadend.

Exactly.

Your baby is hysterical
His father shouts at him
You slam doors
What is your baby learning here - from both of you?