Day 1 of no contact...please help me through! Anyone else want to join?

[daffyduckyduck]

I have to go no contact from exH. It's toxic. We do have a DS together so unfortunately can't go completely no contact but that is all I have to contact him about.

Please help me through, we've been separated for months. I could write a list (I have got many!) of all his bad qualities.

I just need to move on with my life once and for all. Anyone else in the same boat? I'd love it if this could be a thread that continues on and on. They seem so supportive x

Sorry about your situation. Was he your first love? My ex and I were together for 11 years. I moved away not just to get away from my ex but it was part of it. We have been separated for a 1.5 year now. I still think about him.
We have a 7 year old together he hasn't seen her for 6 months. He has a drug problem and doesn't want her to see him the way he is at the moment. He's trying to get his life back on track but spends a lot of time with the wrong people.
I recently found out that I'm pregnant (massive shock, only 6 months into a new relationship, that has now ended, badly). A part of me hates that my ex is not the father.
I also now have to tell my ex about the new baby before someone else does. I don't think it's going to go very well.
I think we just have to keep remembering the reasons why it didn't work x

@Vi14

Sorry about your situation. Was he your first love? My ex and I were together for 11 years. I moved away not just to get away from my ex but it was part of it. We have been separated for a 1.5 year now. I still think about him. We have a 7 year old together he hasn't seen her for 6 months. He has a drug problem and doesn't want her to see him the way he is at the moment. He's trying to get his life back on track but spends a lot of time with the wrong people. I recently found out that I'm pregnant (massive shock, only 6 months into a new relationship, that has now ended, badly). A part of me hates that my ex is not the father. I also now have to tell my ex about the new baby before someone else does. I don't think it's going to go very well. I think we just have to keep remembering the reasons why it didn't work x

Wow I'm so sorry about your situation. Sometimes things are just thrown at us aren't they. Please don't let your ex make you feel bad about your new baby. Despite all the stress and uncertainty, you've got a little baby to think of and I'm sure you will be absolutely amazing! 2 little people to keep you going. How are you feeling with it all?

No he's not my first love. I have 2 dc from a previous relationship (he was a cheat and a compulsive liar) and then one dc to exH.

ExH keeps trying to lure me back in with promises of change and then tells me it will never work. I'm just like a little puppy following him around, doing as he says. I have to end it once and for all!

It's just thinking of him with someone else that kills me. Even though he was a terrible husband. Terrible father. It's an awful awful feeling.

I'm in a very similar situation OP.

Split up with ex DP six months ago, we have a 5 year old together. He's not wanted me back (quite the opposite) but we had daily contact until he got with his new girlfriend and since then he has been unspeakably difficult and unreasonable. They nearly split a month ago and then he was all back in my life wanting to be friends etc, and two days later back to shutting me out.

He was a terrible partner and a terrible father (he's even introduced our DS to her after 8 weeks after making me agree to 4-6 months) and I have a long list of the many horrible things he did and said to me, but the idea he is a changed man and suddenly moving on has hurt me deeply as I still very much have an emotional connection.

Look up Trauma Bond - this helped me recognise that pulling away from him is almost like going cold turkey from an addiction. I only communicate with him regarding our son now and am slowly trying to untangle myself from the years of abuse. I'm also seeing a therapist.

@PollyDarton1

I'm in a very similar situation OP.

Split up with ex DP six months ago, we have a 5 year old together. He's not wanted me back (quite the opposite) but we had daily contact until he got with his new girlfriend and since then he has been unspeakably difficult and unreasonable. They nearly split a month ago and then he was all back in my life wanting to be friends etc, and two days later back to shutting me out.

He was a terrible partner and a terrible father (he's even introduced our DS to her after 8 weeks after making me agree to 4-6 months) and I have a long list of the many horrible things he did and said to me, but the idea he is a changed man and suddenly moving on has hurt me deeply as I still very much have an emotional connection.

Look up Trauma Bond - this helped me recognise that pulling away from him is almost like going cold turkey from an addiction. I only communicate with him regarding our son now and am slowly trying to untangle myself from the years of abuse. I'm also seeing a therapist.

Very similar. It's such an awful situation to be in. He's left me with very deep scars yet I feel so connected to him. I've put him in therapy which he's doing but I don't see it making a difference to who he is and that's been 5 months now. Credit to him - I didn't think he would stick at it but I don't think anything can help him.

How long has it been for you now?

Good idea starting this thread id like to follow along too! Similar situation we have 1 DD together she's 16months, he first walked out when she was 6 months, then found out he'd been having affair, treated me like pure sht yet I still kept hanging on - I was totally heartbroken and shocked. We've stopped everything 3 weeks ago, he wasn't able to sort his drinking out or able to treat me right and said he didn't want to carry on with us. I was still hanging around like a fly to sh*t.
Im doing a bit better now I'm enjoying not having to explain myself to someone everyday, and I've started driving lessons something he wouldn't allow, and seeing a therapist too. He gets in touch every day.. usually something random about DD or the house, but not really anything that needs to be said so I feel I need to go NC too apart from about DD when it's needed. How do I stop myself texting back 😫

Hope you guys are doing okay, sure we can support eachother through when we have weak moments x

@starynight63

Good idea starting this thread id like to follow along too! Similar situation we have 1 DD together she's 16months, he first walked out when she was 6 months, then found out he'd been having affair, treated me like pure sht yet I still kept hanging on - I was totally heartbroken and shocked. We've stopped everything 3 weeks ago, he wasn't able to sort his drinking out or able to treat me right and said he didn't want to carry on with us. I was still hanging around like a fly to sh*t. Im doing a bit better now I'm enjoying not having to explain myself to someone everyday, and I've started driving lessons something he wouldn't allow, and seeing a therapist too. He gets in touch every day.. usually something random about DD or the house, but not really anything that needs to be said so I feel I need to go NC too apart from about DD when it's needed. How do I stop myself texting back 😫

Hope you guys are doing okay, sure we can support eachother through when we have weak moments x

Thank you for sharing. So sorry it's so crappy. It's so hard when dcs are involved. It would be easier to go totally NC wouldn't it. I did use my mum as a 3rd party for a while. It was ok but if got too much as he began trying to get at me through her.

I just need to clear my head and hopefully things will become clearer. It's a nice feeling not having to explain isn't it? My exH just brings me down so much and it's like a weight lifted. Still can't stand the thought of him with someone else though no idea why as he's the biggest dickhead I've ever met!

I'm struggling this morning, I really need to find my anger!