No longer find attractive, crush on someone else - can marriage survive? No sex!

[Blossom4538]

I adore my H and we’ve been through a lot. We’ve been together a long time. We a lot of complicated day to day things we need to cope with.

Sadly, our marriage has never been great on the sex front and non-existent for the past few years, since having children.

We still hug and are affectionate, kiss (pecks!).
I get the feeling for the first time in a long time, he feels up for starting more of a physical relationship again, but sadly, I just don’t feel the urge or find him attractive in that way. He’s a lovely and makes me laugh, but our lives are stressful and we are often exhausted. He is amazing.

Recently, I’ve had an enormous crush on someone who I have to see regularly and I’m not sure if he feels the same about me. I know he cares and he gets a bit flustered and blushes around me a lot!! I look forward to seeing him and get butterflies. I also, realise I’m not a bloody teenager and this is ridiculous.

Can a marriage survive with feelings like this and lack of sexual/physical attraction?

I’m not sure how we would cope without each other, but I also miss that side of things.

Someone once told me that everyone in a long term relationship will eventually have a crush on someone else. What you do with that is what matters.

All marriages go through hard times, and especially when the grind of everyday life gets in the way and you end up in a rut. But there are ways to get out of it if you both put the work in. You're probably due a frank discussion about both of your wants, needs and feelings, and try to break out of routine to do something fun together again.

What are the main things making your lives stressful? Any way to reduce that? If not easily, then would you be willing to take that step if it meant a better chance of saving your marriage? So if it's work, can one of you scale back, or even find a different job that's less demanding.

Might also be worth considering counselling. I know some people view that as a kind of last resort for desperate trouble, but I think it's better to get there before that.

Unfortunately, nothing can really be done to change or remove the stress.

These feelings have really taken me aback and are so intense

I have been with my husband for 16 years and we have a young child. I have felt exactly like you a few years ago and talked to my partner about this. We said we would work on things and try to bring our relationship back to what it was in the early years. I too had a crush with someone else and have gone a bit far with that other person but ended it on time before it got too serious. I realised i love my husband too much and cant imagine my life without him. I would have lost him if he found out i was having a flirt with someone else, he loved me and still loves me a lot but would have never forgiven it. I decided that sex and affection is not the most important in a relationship, few years later we have a child and our sex live is again as good as it was. I think i was going through some sort of relationship crisis, saying i was as my husband never felt it that way. I think you should try and see how it goes and decide for yourself xx

This is absolutely normal. You’d have to be some sort of saint or asexual not to fancy sex with someone new at various times throughout a long relationship.

If you do leave your husband for your new crush, you’ll feel exactly the same in a few years’ time, when the novelty wears off and some new person catches your eye.

@HeddaGarbled

This is absolutely normal. You’d have to be some sort of saint or asexual not to fancy sex with someone new at various times throughout a long relationship.

If you do leave your husband for your new crush, you’ll feel exactly the same in a few years’ time, when the novelty wears off and some new person catches your eye.

I have to respectfully disagree with this. I have been married for over half of my life and only ever felt this attraction to another person once.

There are always people that we could be attackers to. I made my choice, but I don't believe it is a recurrent thing. It completely depends o circumstances, how open you are to things and timings. Google shark cage.

Crushes are common. And it's possible for you to feel intense attraction to someone without them reciprocating it. The crush can fade with time if you don't indulge it

I'd suggest exploring what you want to do about your marriage separately from thinking about your crush. Don't try to use someone else as an escape route from your marriage. Bit, equally, if your marriage isn't one you can feel happy and fulfilled in, you are allowed to leave it.

I think you need to work on your marriage particularly the physical side of things and reconnect as a man and woman instead of just mummy and daddy. Your crush has just made you realise that you still have a set drive...you have a good man in your husband, so don't throw it away for mills and boon rubbish , reconnect your spark with your husband and don't have your head turned as good husbands are very special.

What is shark cage, i am interested? I googled it but only cages full of sharks comes up and i very much doubt that this is what you meant🤣

• sex drive ...blooming autocorrect 😀

I would say no, marriage cannot survive like this, if you don’t want a physical relationship with your H, but you think he does, you need to tell him this and let him decide if he wants to do, enforced celibacy is not fair on anyone