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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can/will the police do anything?

9 replies

Ringmaster27 · 31/03/2022 09:14

When is a behaviour classed as genuine harassment? And can/will the police do anything about it?
My DP’s ex is really pushing the boat out lately when it comes to nuisance phonecalls/messages.
For background - they’ve been split up for 10 years and have a teenage DS. The ex has had numerous mental health issues over the years, which DP helped her manage ie ensuring she was taking medications, organising a couple of stays in voluntary inpatient facilities etc. She also drinks. And it’s usually when she’s been drinking that the phonecalls start.
DP has blocked her on all social media, and blocked her phone number, but she manages to call his phone on withheld numbers (multiple SIM cards maybe?). The phonecalls usually come very late at night/early hours of the morning, and are incessant. The other night, she called his phone 14 times in the space of 2 hours. He didn’t answer, but rang his DS’s phone just to make sure there wasn’t a serious reason why his mum was calling DP’s phone repeatedly. On rare occasions, DP has answered and just said “What do you want?” and has been met with screaming abuse. Calling him every name under the sun, completely out of the blue. I’ve been in the room and heard this myself.
She’s recently started attempting to contact me via social media. Repeated friend/follower requests, message request etc, all of which I’ve ignored.
DP has been in contact with the police and was told they’ll be calling him back this week to discuss. What can/will they do? Is she actually committing an offence? Or is it one of those wishy washy things where nothing can really be done?

OP posts:
Hesheweeshe · 31/03/2022 10:06

I think it will be classed as harassment. Its unwanted contact and they are pretty hot on that these days.

Sadly its most likely linked to her drink problem but that is no reason or excuse to impact on another persons life. Clearly its also concerning for her son who is having to experience it first hand and i think as a parent that would be a gery serious concern for me.

Ringmaster27 · 31/03/2022 10:25

@Hesheweeshe It’s for the sake of his DS that DP hasn’t really done anything about this before now. He’s concerned that police involvement will be like a fan to the flame when it comes to her MH, and his DS has to live in that environment. There’s been numerous occasions where his DS has moved in with DP, but then been guilt tripped into going back to his mum as she tells him she’s got nothing without him so will kill herself. He’s at the age where he can choose who he lives with, and has said multiple times he’d be happier at his dad’s but with his mum putting him in the aforementioned position, he feels he doesn’t have much of a choice Sad He’s a good kid. He’s got a heart of gold, and this is beyond anything that a teenage boy should have on his shoulders Sad

OP posts:
Boopeedoop · 31/03/2022 10:30

You need to report her to social services if she is getting like this in front of your step son.

And yes follow up with police and press for further action.

southlondoner02 · 31/03/2022 10:32

Yes, the police can deal with this. It's unwanted contact and it's a course of conduct ie not a one off. In many incidences police will give a harassment warning first, and if that doesn't work proceed to arrest.

Alternatively you could consider getting a civil order against her which would state she's not allowed to contact/ harass etc if you feel she would pay any attention

Either way I would keep all evidence and a record of the harassment. It can be more difficult for police when it's via withheld numbers so any other evidence would help.

Ringmaster27 · 31/03/2022 10:34

@Boopeedoop she is known to social services as there was quite a lot of involvement when he was little. She seemed to get her act together for quite a long time, but the last year or so it’s all gone downhill again.
If she’s alreDy known to social services, would a police report re: harassment be passed on to them?

OP posts:
Ringmaster27 · 31/03/2022 10:35

@southlondoner02 I’ve screenshotted every friend/follower request and every message she’s sent me, and DP has screenshots of his call log which shows hundreds of calls from No Caller ID

OP posts:
Ringmaster27 · 31/03/2022 10:36

She has also been known to contact DP’s brothers and sister-in-law when she doesn’t get a response from him.

OP posts:
D0lphine · 31/03/2022 11:24

Call 101 and tell them what you have said here. They will be able to advise you

Pinkyxx · 31/03/2022 12:25

Yes they can. My ex husband behaved like this. I reported it several times. They came out and I showed them a stack of emails 3 inches high that I'd received from him in a matter of a couple of months... They visited him to serve him with a harassment warning that if he continued he would be arrested and prosecuted.

Agree with others, Social services really need to know this is happening. It sounds like she is not managing her mental health, needs support with it and your step son's welfare needs to be considered in the meantime.

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