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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Partner punched a hole in the wall

16 replies

buikloop · 31/03/2022 01:45

I'm new here but I don't have anyone in real life to talk to.

I've been with my partner for 3 years, he's always been a heavy drinker and does shout when he's had a lot to drink but he's never been violent before. We have a 7 month old together.

He went out as usual tonight, our baby is teething and wouldn't be put down to sleep. When he got back he was drunk and he started an argument as I hadn't made him dinner (me and my eldest went out for dinner whilst he was out drinking). His shouting continued and my 15 year old heard and he came downstairs. Partner then punched a hole in the wall and walked out, probably gone to his mums.

I really don't know what to do from here and I don't know what I want from this thread, just to vent.

OP posts:

HirplesWithHaggis · 31/03/2022 01:50

What's your housing situation, are you renting or do you own? If renting, whose name is on the lease? Similarly, if you own, is it in your name, his, or joint? You say he's your partner, but are you married? All these things matter when it comes to ending the relationship (which you should).

Hawkins001 · 31/03/2022 01:52

@buikloop

I'm new here but I don't have anyone in real life to talk to.

I've been with my partner for 3 years, he's always been a heavy drinker and does shout when he's had a lot to drink but he's never been violent before. We have a 7 month old together.

I really don't know what to do from here and I don't know what I want from this thread, just to vent.

for starters, why drink if he cannot behave ?

Original poster

buikloop · 31/03/2022 02:00

We're renting and his names on the lease. We aren't married

OP posts:

DidWeHaveAWinter · 31/03/2022 02:02

Your children need to be your priority
Your children seeing and hearing violent behaviour is not good
Leave him

HellToTheNope · 31/03/2022 02:02

You get rid of him now before he punches you next time. He's a drunk, he's violent, and he has to go. It is your responsibility to protect your children from this man.

HirplesWithHaggis · 31/03/2022 02:04

Ok, so how easy/ hard is it for you to leave? Do you have the financial resources to leave him and rent your own place without him? (You are planning to leave him?)

BritInAus · 31/03/2022 02:18

Leave him. Life for you and your child will be imminently better without a violent alcoholic in it. Please don't waste years like I did before you walk.

spotcheck · 31/03/2022 02:27

Your 15 year old was alarmed and came downstairs?.How do you think a scenario like that will eventually pan out?
The man should not be in close vicinity of children

LBFseBrom · 31/03/2022 02:35

I agree with what others have said. I know there isn't a quick and easy solution, especially when you have children, but you need to get shot the sake of yourself and your children. Your poor little baby must have been scared if he or she was not asleep or was woken.

Speak to women's aid and find out where you stand legally regarding the place you rent; as it is your children's home you may be able to take over the tenancy/lease (after which you change the locks). I hope you have at least a little money put by or else have parents who will help you if you need it to get things sorted.

Good luck and please take care. You deserve better than this.

RustyShackleford3 · 31/03/2022 03:01

Do you work? Do you have your own money or access to joint money?

I think you know that you need to leave this man. You and your children deserve better than this.

HirplesWithHaggis · 31/03/2022 03:06

Found this on another thread, you might find it useful.

www.docdroid.net/2fZmz40/why-does-he-do-that-pdf

Lulu223 · 31/03/2022 03:21

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines, as we have suspicions about this user.

MsDogLady · 31/03/2022 05:13

OP, he’s a physically/emotionally/verbally violent brute who abuses alcohol and treats you like his personal skivvy. Please protect yourself and your 2 children by making an exit plan asap. You 3 are living in a dangerous, damaging home.

Lulu223 · 31/03/2022 10:02

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines, as we have suspicions about this user.

AfraidToRun · 31/03/2022 10:33

Does he acknowledge that what he did was wrong? Is he willing and able to get specialist support?

If the answer above is no, or yes but he still blames me, leave. Very often there are a lot of people who should not be in relationships. If they're not willing to work on themselves in one then they need to work on themselves out of one.

layladomino · 01/04/2022 08:34

Please leave him. He is a drunk and he's violent. He shouted at you for not having his dinner ready? Seriously?? And that was enough for him to punch a hole in the wall. This will be frightening for your children, and next time he might punch a person, not a wall. I can't bear the thought of children having to listen to or see an angry violent drunk in their home, and their mum upset.

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