Regret leaving my ex

[AHungryCaterpillar]

I never thought I would say this as I want to be happy that he is gone and I would really like to be but I am so ridiculously lonely, I have no friends and I’m not close to my family, I can go for days and even weeks without speaking to another adult unless you can’t count someone in the shop or someone at my kids school. I have no life and I can’t meet anyone else I feel so isolated that I just feel like going back to my ex just to not be alone, I know people will say “why do you need a man” but I have absolutely no one. I speak to no one. I hoped I would make friends at my kids school but it just didn’t happen and it’s too late for that now. I don’t want to make friends on apps it seems so forced and weird (sorry not meaning to offend but it feels odd to me) I feel completely alone. He texted me at Xmas and New Years to say he loves me, we don’t have any contact though and he doesn’t bother with our children since we split, he only wanted to see them if he could see me as well. Maybe I should just go back there? Has anyone got back with an ex after years apart and it worked out?

I do think others go through this but I think the ones who say you are much better off have a good support network and that’s why, Maybe they have lots of supportive friends and a good family that rally round them so they get to have a life and meet up with their friends and date and have a social life. When you are literally isolated and cut off from everyone it’s very difficult, I can’t date I can’t meet anyone new and I can’t start again.

Yes home ed is my only option as dd has asd and didn’t get a place in an sen secondary school and she is not going to mainstream I don’t consider that an option at all and won’t be sending her no matter what so no I won’t just send her. She will have to stay home.

@AHungryCaterpillar
Yes some people have it a lot easier but there have been many people in your situation too.

I'm not in the UK but is there an option for any kind of respite care for your children?

I do think others go through this but I think the ones who say you are much better off

No, OP, that's the point. Unless you think you have the most difficult situation that's ever existed, other people will have been where you are, and sorted it out. They were open to suggestion though, where you're not. You're painting yourself into a corner.

I have no idea what to suggest as you don't seem keen on anyones suggestions .
I know how you feel though I used to be in that situation I just got out and about with the kids as much as I could .

The only real suggestions are making friends on apps which I said I don’t want to use and said in my op. I’m not going to use apps as I don’t want to. Things haven’t got better or easier for me and everyone says it does, it’s been years and it doesn’t. I appreciate the advice though but I think I will give it another chance.

There are parent meet ups on meet up. I know you have said you don't want to go on an app but meet up isn't like looking for a best mate. Home ed groups will be around too.

It's shit but look at it this way - you have one year to heal yourself and find a way to make yourself happy. What are you going to do? You want connection and friends, as do most of us, get yourself out there. Design and create the life you want.

You sound quite depressed tbh. I think you should start with a routine, so bedtime and get up time, drink water, do yoga, meditation and lots of healthy food and vitamins. Then go for a long daily walk with an audio book. Then join meet up and go on the parent park trips. Find a hobby, plan fun home ed stuff to do. I don't know how much money you have but a decent gym with kids classes and a sauna so you get a break and can exercise and relax whilst your dc are in a class would be helpful. Good luck.

But that hasn't been the only suggestion. You've dismissed other suggestions, too, home ed groups, groups for parents of kids with SEN, getting out with the kids.

The best person to keep you company is you, so you need to learn to be on your own side, be supportive of you, be respectful of you. Because if you're suggesting going back to a relationship you feel you should be happy to be out of, with a man who doesn't care about seeing your kids, there's no self respect or love there. Concentrate on that before putting your kids through the horrible experience of growing up with a parent who doesn't care about them, which will mess up their views of what adult relationships are meant to be like.

Then they'll end up settling for miserable relationships as adults because that's what you're demonstrating to them. Do you want that for them? Or do you you want to demonstrate to them that if you want to be happy, you have to take responsibility for it yourself, rather than leaning on people who don't really care about you?

Until your daughter is homeschooled would you consider volunteering for a couple of hours a week. Are there any Charity Shops near you for example? In my experience people have been so friendly and it's nice to chat to customers and locals. Even if you do reunite with your ex, maybe you could give it a try?

Round here the sen parent support networks are thriving (North West), my friend whose dc are asd has a big gang and they meet up each week, practical and social support, - they go through their sen support forms (forget the acronym) together, chat and laugh about stuff, surely a place as populated as London would have similar parent groups however you find them? It's not a partner but it's another adult who gets it.
Ditto for the home Ed gang, that's a thriving community here too, anything like that in London?