Young babies... To work less hours, or continue full time?

[SDW17]

I feel in such a predicament!!

Long story short, I'm 27 this year, I have a 14 month old and I'm pregnant with my second (and last, child).

Partner and I have been engaged for two years now, he's a little older than me, and would love to be married in the not so far future, as would I. He's 41 (don't judge please! Not relevant, hes amazing and our family is great) so for this reason he doesn't want to wait too long but, is happy that I make the overall decision and just go with it.

However, since returning to work after baby no.1 I find myself feeling like the important things in life are not really, loads of money... It's the family, and being with them and spending time with them. Ive come to the realisation that I really want to be around and present whilst my two babies are so young and really soak up their childhood before they start school.

My partner is so easy going and happy to do whatever I want, which doesn't help my decision making!! I know that secretly he would love for us to get married sooner rather than later, but he doesn't mind if we wait for the reasons I explain below..

Do I reduce my hours to three days a week, put off the wedding for even longer than we initially planned, maybe 4-5 years? Pay off the small amount of debt we have, and just enjoy my babies being babies?

Or do I continue working pretty much full time, would be paying for two babies to go to nursery around two afternoons a week (expensive even at that minimum amount!), and we work hard and save hard for a wedding in a year or two?

I suppose the main question I'm asking is, is it worth rushing the wedding? Or do we just do what makes us happy in the meantime and put the wedding off for the sake of being able to enjoy more time together as a family while the babies are only small and young once?!

Sorry for the long post. Regarding working hours with the way our shifts work, and the cost of childcare it's either, mainly full time hours, or I drastically reduce my hours and income.. maybe I'm over thinking it all. I don't know!!

Everyone is different but there's no way I would work full-time to pay for a party. If being married is important, I'd say get married without the big wedding.

Just get married. It costs a few hundred to do via the registry office.

You are a mother, you have a responsibility to protect your children. The legal rights of marriage are important should things go wrong or something unfortunate happens to you or your partner.

You say you are now focusing on family being important, just get the legal bit done ASAP.

How much is your planned wedding going to cost ?? Your post makes it seems like you'd be working full time to pay for one hugely expensive day , missing your children's babyhood to pay for a party .

If you both want to be married you can have a wedding at a register office like I did , and a lovely family party afterwards. Total cost, a few hundred pounds.

I would reduce your hours definitely based upon having 2 small ones.. you can't get the time back OP.

I think you're framing the dilemma all wrong - the choice should be between giving up your earning potential (at least temporarily) to be with the children, in which case you need to have the protection of marriage even if it has to be a quick trip to the registry office. Or you maintain your own career and money in which case you don't need to get married so urgently. Giving up your job and becoming financially dependent without any legal protection is such a bad idea that it should be off the table.

My advice would be to get married soon. Your currently pregnant with your second child and already have a 14 month old. Marriage gives you and your partner more legal rights if anything was to happen to either of you. Have a register office wedding and a party for family and close friends afterwards which can be lovely without costing you thousands.
I know you like to work part time rather than full time for a few years when you're children are small.
Could you go part time or take parental leave in your current employment?
Would you have to move to a different job to work part time after your next maternity leave is over?
I know that childcare is expensive when they are babies but as your children get older your expenses get higher. Also staying in work full time means that you could go for promotion in your current company or change jobs when you're kids are older.

Thankyou for your comment @HardbackWriter

I think you have read the post all wrong, rather than me framing my dilemma all wrong. At no point did I suggest I was giving up my job and becoming financially dependant 😊

Thank you anyway for the advice!

@Ilady thank you for the response, this is definitely something I'm going to seriously consider, why didn't I think of it sooner?! Registry office wedding and a smaller party afterwards sounds like my dream to be honest. I was really dreading the planning of a big wedding but was struggling with inspiration for much else as that all that everyone seems to do these days?!

Am going to look into registry office ideas and party from tomorrow! X

I also think if you both want to be married do something cheap and cheerful. It would be insane to pay for an expensive wedding at this time in your lives now that you already have responsibilities and children with plenty of other immediate needs for your money. As others have said, making other sacrifices for an expensive party doesn't make sense. I have been to modest weddings which were very beautiful and meaningful as the couple were so in love which is the main thing. Thinking about it my own marriage was relatively cheap and cheerful. We had a Catholic wedding followed by a celebration at a historic pub/restaurant that did fantastic food. It had 3 floors and we had a jazz quartet on the patio and a friend who was a DJ in the basement and everyone just socialized other than for the speeches. In my case I didn't want a traditional reception as my parents had both died and I felt the "Top Table" etc would just make it so obvious they weren't here any longer. We were both 27 and it meant we entered our marriage with no debt from an expensive wedding. I did splash out on a beautiful dress and flowers though!

If spending more time with the kids is what you want to do, and you can still maintain some work, that sounds ideal. That way if you want or need to increase how much work you do, you can. It's never a good idea to totally leave the workforce.
(and have whatever kind of wedding you want to have! don't be pressured by what other people do, everyone is different! The best wedding I've ever been to was in a country hall made out of corrugated iron with KFC catering)

@SDW17

Thankyou for your comment *@HardbackWriter*

I think you have read the post all wrong, rather than me framing my dilemma all wrong. At no point did I suggest I was giving up my job and becoming financially dependant 😊

Thank you anyway for the advice!

You said you'd be 'drastically reducing hours and income' - would that not leave you financially dependent? If you're reducing your own earning power for the family then you should have the protection of marriage.

If I was you I would reduce my hours, enjoy my babies when they are young and have a lovely small intimate wedding

Simile age gap to you by the way so definitely no judgement here!

I would and have reduced my hours to three days a week for the exact same reason. I get the best of both worlds then. Maintain a career, have a wage but also spend 4 days solely with my children and don't feel like all I do is child stuff.

In terms of a wedding, just go and do it at a registry office and have a small, low cost party. You don't need a big fancy wedding, spend that money on days out with your children instead I say this because had DH and I not been married before our children, I would not bother now or I'd do a tiny thing!

Good luck with it all

Thank you so much everyone! I am decided, registry office and food and party afterwards! This means we will be able to do it next year too! 🥰 appreciate everybody taking the time to reply with their advice!

Good idea OP