difficult situation

[marysol]

hi there,
I am homeless as my husband change the front door lock. I come from abroad journey attending a family emergency. Then my husband change in a week, stole £8000 from joint account from my wages as he never contributes to the house hold bills. First time travel without kids 17y 15y 13y. When i arrived from the airport he was waiting out of the house asked for divorce and said that the kids were agreed. He never said that. in fact two weeks before he was telling that he loves me. I just realised that he was abusing me financially, emotional and gaslighting. Makes the kids believe that i am staying with friends and i am ok. Called social services and i did not get help as the abuse is only inflicted to me and my kids are not having bruises. Police said it is not crime at all. Emotional abuse hard to prove. My daughter has disclose that he is manipulative to social services. I have to fight to make them to do a informal visit, them they close the case.
He is a milkman and know a lot of people. I am not here, i do not know the law. I am so tired and frustrated with this situation.
The tenancy is on his name as he manipulated me making thing that i would have the same rights because we were married.
19 yeas living with someone that i do not recognise. it does not show any remorse. He said to the kids how wonderful is his life without me. My eldest eczema is flaring up because of the stress, my youngest was finding at school avoiding classes, and no body seems understand that it is due to the stress they are going through.
Try to ask for help with his family, I was not lucky as they told me that at the end he was their cousins. His family is half English half Irish. I am homeless for about 2 months now.
Tried to rent and applied to the council, no luck jet.
off work as i am having panic attacks. I am my kids mainly carer, he has never been in school meeting, at weekends always sleeping in the day and awake whole night watching TV. Suddenly he becomes the best daddy. Given money to the kids to spend at the weekends and given all liberties. I am so worried they are good kids, but they are in the age that they need support and guide.
I have been contacted half London for help. feeling so lost.

Where are you staying? Are you somewhere safe?

Please call, or better still, go to your local woman’s aid and tell them.

I am sofa surfing, tried to keep close to the kids.

women's aid is calling me next week for an assessment.

The house is in your name? The tenancy just your name? Not your husband? If it’s only in your name then he can’t stay there. You must go see a solicitor and find your rights. Do a telephone call. Can’t the police get him out? Call your landlord.

nearlylegal.co.uk/relationship-breakdown-and-tenancies-faq/

You must speak to a solicitor

If you are married you should have home rights.
Contact FLOWS www.rcjadvice.org.uk/family/flows-finding-legal-options-for-women-survivors/ to see if they can help you.

Even if the tenancy is only in your husbands name, you have a right to live there until your divorce is finalised from a quick Google.

I’d play the bastard at his own game and go round with some friends and a locksmith when the house is empty to change the lock so I could get in (you’d have to give him a key) and have someone with me for when he got back if I thought he might get physical but that’s me.

If he calls the police to remove you, they’ll have to tell HIM it’s not a crime as legally you have a right to be there. He doesn’t own the house so he can’t complain to the police that you changed the lock. It would be a civil matter with the landlord. Obviously if you think he may be physically abusive log it with the police after you get in. It will be hard living there until you find your own place but I wouldn’t be leaving my DC with him so they’re totally alienated from you.

I may be wrong but In domestic abuse cases, and if even it’s not physical it’s still abuse, you can ask for the tenancy to be transferred to you if you’re the primary carer of the children. If you’re the higher earner and can prove you are paying the bills, the landlord shouldn’t have a problem with that, Have you spoken to your landlord? Obviously the longer you’re out of the house living separately from your DC, you will not not be the primary carer, You need to check this with a solicitor though.

Is he at work early in the morning if he’s a milkman when the DCs are there on their own? Won’t they let you in? Why haven’t you told them you’re not OK? They are old enough to know the truth.

You need to urgently see a solicitor get advice on this.

So sorry this is happening to you.

I have talked with the kids and they are afraid of his reaction. I explained to them that I am not having fun, and the severity of the situation but they are alienated with him. I think that they develop the Stockholm syndrome.
In terms on me i am scared of him as I am not sure what is capable to do.
I planned the locksmith but I could not do it as they require a permission from the housing association.
The association is protecting him as he is the sole tenancy holder.