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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Opinions please

6 replies

Shanna8 · 29/03/2022 20:42

Hi there. I'm going through Counselling at the moment. One of the main reasons I am there is due to ongoing and prolonged fantasies about other men (I am married). This has been a recurring theme all my life (since I was a young teen). They are mostly fantasies about unavailable men (teachers, authority figures, bosses etc). My Counsellor has told me fantasies are completely normal, everyone has them! I tried to explain that my fantasies are not the normal type. They border on obsession and can last for years. I feel like I am in love with this person. I think about them constantly. I would never act on these thoughts but the fantasy takes over and they can be all consuming. I think the term is "limerence". It may be due to unmet emotional needs from childhood and I know the counselling will address that issue. Can I ask if anyone else experiences fantasies like this ?? Or do you just experience the normal variety e.g. the hot Barista you imagine shagging but the fantasy is over as soon your coffee is finished Grin

OP posts:
Daydreamsinsantafe · 29/03/2022 20:56

This is a problem? If it is I am screwed because I’ve done this my entire life.
It means different things at different times but I’ve never thought it was cause for concern.
One fantasy has ran for over 20 years. We are both married so I could never act it out but I can do what I want in my head.
Fantasise all you want. Simple pleasures and all that..

EndersGame · 29/03/2022 21:08

You are not alone.

Shanna8 · 29/03/2022 21:09

Thanks for replying. You are like me so :) My Counsellor suggested I ask my girlfriends about their fantasies Shock but this is so personal ... I couldn't ask this of anyone in real life!

OP posts:
Sunnytwobridges · 29/03/2022 21:13

Yikes, i'm guilty of this too. I've done this with every man I've ever dated except one. I dont think it's a big deal unless it's taking away from your relationship or making you unhappy.

clevelandspy · 29/03/2022 21:14

Hmmmm...

Loveisallweneed · 29/03/2022 21:47

No not really that one but I know my husband fantasies a lot about younger women and would ask a question similar to this hoping that younger women would say yes they do . It would make him feel amazing and like he had a chance

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