Im putting this out there cos it’s a difficult situation. My marriage started to break down after the birth of my little girl (now 13m). DH is highly erratic and has even been known to shout when I hung hisbtrousers out to dry not inside out. In October last year I decided I had really had enough but then I started to feel sick, 2 lines appeared etc. I considered abortion and even went to the clinic to get the pills. But I couldn’t bring myself to take them. I have always wanted 2 children and close together. Despite his faults DH is financially solvent and a quite a loving and hands-on dad. I rationed it made sense to go through. Now at 24w I am panicking. He has been away for work for 2 months and I feel so wonderful with a peaceful home and spending time with my gorgeous little girl. Im sorry if this is difficult reading but I feel more worried than delighted about the second pregnancy right now. Will it chain me to him? Would I ever cope with 2 under 18m on my own? Will it be harder to get away with 2 children rather than one? I initially thought to keep the baby as I thought I should make a decision uninfluenced by the anger I feel toward DH. But now I realise what I want is INDEPENDENCE from a toxic relationship. I feel guilty that this child is coming at a time when I want independence so much. Of course I’ll have to stick with him a bit longer I don’t want to resent this child or feel less than happy at its arrival because of this. I love my little girl to the moon and back but wonder if it’s possible to love two under these circumstances. I am more or less financially independent (for like a year maybe) and DH could technically rent a flat nearby. I’m hoping the anticipation of 2 babies is worse than the actual experience. My conflicting thoughts and guilt about feeing worries about this second baby are keeping me awake at night and I’m sudfering acute insomnia - worse than when DD was born! I would consider adoption as I want the unborn baby to grow up somewhere stable and where she is wanted. But DH wouldn’t allow it probably. DH comes back from travelling this week and I’m dreading it as I honestly can’t talk or be in the same room as him without feeling red hot rage. I don’t know what to do. Faking liking him for the sake of this baby is pretty hard if not impossible. Sleeping and eating with someone who has tried to hurt you is very difficult. The theory of having two children close together is one thing but the idea of doing it alone without emotional support is also very difficult. Family are around but busy with other things so I really am alone. Don’t know what to do.