Bf and I have been together about 9 months and so far everything is amazing. He really is so good for me, no red flags at all.
Things have been going so well we moved in together after 6 months and things have still been great. It's made me think about our future and what the next steps might be. Even though I'm not quite ready yet, I feel like I could see myself staying with him long term and getting married. We don't have kids are won't be having any so for me being married (eventually) is the ultimate commitment and its something I do want.
We had a very brief conversation about the topic when we first got together but didn't talk about it much and I got the impression he was a bit 'meh' about it and didn't really have strong feelings either way.
We had a talk about it again recently and it turns out that actually he is really quite against the idea. He isn't a commitment phobe at all he just doesn't think it's important and it's unnecessary in a loving long term relationship. He doesn't like the fact that you are legally/financially joined to each other and therefore it can get really ugly if you ever split up. He hates the idea of all the attention being on him on the wedding day and thinks it's a huge waste of money.
In some ways I agree with his misgivings but I feel like they are easily solved and it isn't really a 'good' reason not to do it if you love someone and want to spend your life with them. Some of the issues he has would only be applicable if you split up anyway!
Basically, it's just really thrown me and I feel quite inexplicably upset about it. I feel quite ridiculous given that we aren't even talking about getting married but the whole conversation just really gave me the impression that he is so against it that it will never be an option for us and it's making me question everything 😞
Could I be happy 'just' being his girlfriend for my whole life? Would I eventually begin to resent him for not being able to give me the kind of relationship I want? Could I find someone else who is as wonderful as him who does want marriage? Would it be worth splitting up and losing him over? Will I always feel like something is missing? Will I end up wondering why I'm not good enough to marry?
I can't bear the idea of not being with him, especially over something that I'm not even 100% sure I want yet but I also don't want to waste years in a relationship that might ultimately make me unhappy because he won't marry me. I don't know if it's something I can be truly happy living without.
I'm just so confused. Sorry for the long ramble but I just feel so unexpectedly sad about this. Everything was going so well and now I feel like I've fucked it all up!