Am I just being insecure?

[Beeee21]

Recently had a baby with DP so I’m kind of thinking this may just be hormones and me feeling insecure about myself.

But for some reason I feel like he fancies his brothers girlfriend?

When she had their baby he was so sympathetic (had a tough time) whereas I didn’t feel like I got the sympathy for my birth being difficult and ending in emergency c section? He didn’t seem sympathetic and when I mentioned it he said that offended him because he apparently was very sympathetic of what I went through

She’s quite a difficult character to get on with and anytime I’ve mentioned this he’s so quick to defend her, but then will agree with his mother when his mother mentions it.

And I can’t make her 30th birthday party and he seems to be really annoyed that I can’t go and all of this is just making me really paranoid I feel like he’s nicer to her than he is to me?

I know I might be being touchy which is why I’ve come here to ask for advice it’s just making me feel a bit insecure

bumping ..

Have you spoken to him about it? If so, what did he say? If not, what is it that stops you?

@Watchkeys

Have you spoken to him about it? If so, what did he say? If not, what is it that stops you?

I don't think I'd ask a partner if he fancied his brothers girlfriend, tbh.

I wouldn't want to hear yes and I wouldn't trust a no if I strongly suspected it.

Tbh, the brother's girlfriend is a red herring, OP, the issue is that you are not happy and he doesn't make you feel good about yourself.

That would be enough for me.

I don't think I'd ask a partner if he fancied his brothers girlfriend, tbh

I wouldn't be partner to someone I couldn't have this sort of discussion with.

I think the bigger problem is that you're just doesn't seem like he is very nice to you op. Like his mum cam say something but if you say it, he jumps down your throat. And he wasn't very supportive when you had the kid. And he is extra nice to some other woman infront of you.

Tbh he sounds a bit of a bellend. Maybe the reason you feel insecure is that he seems to actively treat you shaudily and fail to reassure you at every possible turn.

@Watchkeys

I don't think I'd ask a partner if he fancied his brothers girlfriend, tbh

I wouldn't be partner to someone I couldn't have this sort of discussion with.

What would you do with it if he said yes?

It's not about not being able or willing to talk about stuff. This is about how the scenario is making the OP feel. 8 would t stick around to feel like shit. It would be largely irrelevant whether he did or not.

I think I'd accept that humans can't choose who they fancy, and talk to my partner about whether or not this affected the status of our relationship. And if I didn't feel able to trust the response, I'd recognise that that was because deep down, I didn't trust my partner, and therefore ought not to be in the relationship in the first place.

People fancy people. Being in a committed relationship doesn't switch that off. We all need to accept that at some point, our partner may well get the hots for someone who isn't us. That in itself isn't a relationship problem; it's how you choose to deal with it, as individuals and as a couple, that matters.

@Watchkeys

I think I'd accept that humans can't choose who they fancy, and talk to my partner about whether or not this affected the status of our relationship. And if I didn't feel able to trust the response, I'd recognise that that was because deep down, I didn't trust my partner, and therefore ought not to be in the relationship in the first place.

People fancy people. Being in a committed relationship doesn't switch that off. We all need to accept that at some point, our partner may well get the hots for someone who isn't us. That in itself isn't a relationship problem; it's how you choose to deal with it, as individuals and as a couple, that matters.

I don't disagree with any of that but this isn't just that the OP thinks her partner fancies his brother's girlfriend but that she feels he is being unkind towards/dismissive of her and that is fuelling her feelings.

That's the bit I'd be responding to. I wouldn't ask if he fancied her because that in itself wouldnt be an issue.

It's not something I'd want to talk about especially anymore than I'd want to talk about it if I fancied someone else! It's either am issue on the relationship or not and I'd base that decision on how the wider context was making me feel. Not on what he said about it.

I have now chatted with him. He responded instantly saying he doesn’t fancy her then asked why I thought that? He also went on to say he’d see why if she looked like me but she doesn’t. Lmao

I explained everything mentioned and he said he felt really awful that I felt this way. He mentioned the reason he agrees with his mum is ‘for an easy life’ apparently because she’s opiniated so he can’t be bothered going against it.

With regards to sympathy aspect he apologised for not showing me that side of him he said he didn’t really delve into the birth or what happened as I seemed a bit affected by it so he wanted to avoid talking about it.

So I guess maybe it’s a misunderstanding and I’m reading into everything?

Please note everyone he does love me to bits. He’s quite hidden with emotions so having a big chat with him has relieved me a bit and I guess I read into things too much but he’s also said he’ll make an effort to be more emotional with me and express his feelings regarding me so I guess that’s a start and my hormonal self can calm down now