How to stop being so irritated by partner.

[Yellowleadbetter]

It’s bad, it’s all of the time.
I’m irritated by every single thing he does.

Been together for over 20 years, lovely relationship up until the last couple of years.
He has turned into his dad and I can’t stand his dad.

It’s everything from the way he eats to the things he says to the way he doesn’t care about the house.
We have grown apart for sure.

I can’t say anything so I quietly seethe and bite my tongue.
If we fell out, he would be unbearable and would make my life a complete misery, so I can’t say or do anything.

What’s the answer to this? Anyone with experience or advice?

Start planning your exit? I mean if you cant stand him and you cant talk to him, what other choice is there.

Leave...life is short...you will make yourself ill with all this pent up rage. It will impact your quality of life. Being single isn't so bad. I left my marriage because he became unbearable to live with. Fine and good friends living part. But full-time living together felt like a full time prison sentence. I divorced him, and everyone is happier now in my family.

I'm struggling too, OP.

DH has morphed into an old man at 57 - he's under so many different Doctors it's hard to keep up with. He's lazy, permanently tired and shovels sugar/junk food in as if he's going to be starved. Which in turn makes him feel even crapper. He does nothing around the house, and it's crumbling around it. I nagged and nagged for him to empty the kitchen bin today (it's taken him 4 days to do) and he left it outside the back door.

We're about to be empty nesters, and I'm truly starting to panic. I love him but I certainly don't like him a lot of the time.

I’ve been thinking about exit.

I will need to leave.
I’ve been looking at living options.
I want so much to like/love him again. He is a genuinely lovely guy.

If you have genuinely grown apart I am not sure there is anything you can do to 'fix' this - it doesn't sound as though he's doing anything differently to how he's always been, just that these days you cannot abide it.

If you think there is anything about his behaviour that could be changed, and thus change how you feel about him, there's nothing to lose by having a measured conversation - i mean if you're planning on leaving anyway you might as well give it one last chance.

I’m not fixed on leaving at all, I’ve been thinking about it that’s all.
I would very much like to fix it if possible.

I’ve hit perimeno and feel like everything has changed. Everything.
Is it me? Is he just being him as he has always been?