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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feel judged and stuck

4 replies

Daisychains11 · 29/03/2022 12:48

I ended my relationship 16 months ago with my children's dad. We hadn't had sex for 2 years and we were no longer in love or into eachother. My ex didn't deal with it great at all and it took him 9 months to tell his family. I started dating someone else 10 months after the split.

We have a house together and I haven't worked for 3 years raising the youngest. Be my house for 12 years and he's been on the mortgage for 9. He's been paying everything to be fair since my youngest was born. When we separated he didn't want to to deal with a house. He wanted to make sure the kids could inherit it still. He also said we can't afford to to change our situation. I am hoping to get a little job in a couple of months. I've actually been unwell and only just received my treatment which should improve my situation a lot what. So hopefully soon I can learn a little bit of money

I am struggling to sort this situation with my ex. He simply says he can't afford to buy me out and he can't afford to go rent anywhere. I'm not sure if I'm entitled to anything in terms of benefits if I moved out.

People are starting to comment a lot more now. I'm being judged for living off my ex still. Friends and family keep saying we need to to go our separate ways. I completely agree. Some people have said he should leave you and the kids in the family home and he should go find somewhere else. Other people have said you just need to go your own way. I honestly don't know financially how this is possible when he won't budge. It's also getting me down as I try and stay at my new boyfriend's house as much as I can around the kids. It's hard because I don't want to be around my ex all the time I'm but I feel like I can't enjoy my kids the way I want to. Has anyone got any advice? I understand getting a job will be the highest recommendation. Just bear in mind that I can't do that right this second but I do hope to find something around the kids school hours which is unlikely to be sufficient.

OP posts:
R0tational · 29/03/2022 12:52

I feel sorry for him to tbh!

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 29/03/2022 12:59

Are you married? And how is the house owned? The answers to these questions will inform what choices you have with regards to the house.
You will be entitled to both benefits and child support from him, in fact if you have officially separated in theory you can claim them even with him still in the house.

Sisiwawa · 29/03/2022 13:01

Could he move in with family/ friend temporarily?
You can go to Citizens Advice to see what you're entitled to.
Also speak to a solicitor about your situation, you can often get a free initial consultation.
Could he afford to rent a room in a shared house?

Daisychains11 · 29/03/2022 13:23

I worked until 2016. We are not married. It's a fixed rate for 3 more years.

You feel sorry for him? It was simply a case of two people drifting apart for 2 years. We didn't share a bed. Yes he's paid. But I've continued to cook, clean, wash his clothes, we still get on as friends and he doesn't want to change the situation. I am not in any way using him, controlling him, wanting to keep everything, or to leave him stuck. I want us both to be happy with stable homes and routines for our kids.

I perhaps need to speak with citizens advice then..I am not comfortable about going on benefits long term and would definitely want to do a little part time job.

I have problems with my blood and have transfusions and have just had biopsies done which gave found some problems in my womb. I may need surgery if the coil doesn't help but I've been weak and on and off in hospital for the last 2 years.

He wouldn't entertain a shared house.

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