DH still punting using escort and prostitute site

[Wmndstrght]

Know some will slate me for this but I took DH back after he admitted to seeing prostitutes. Part reason being, the times he saw them was the time I was going through peri menopause. My libido vanished during that time but he never blamed it on that. He never said a word about it but I felt partly to blame I s'pose. Before that we'd been liberal with our sex life together.
Anyway, things got back on track. He said he is happy and never uses escort websites.
Fast forward and I'm 99 percent sure I know his username for the escort site he was using and so can see when he's been logged on, which is recently and all times I'm not with him. I think he might be addicted. I've read that they say, once a punter always a punter.
I'm not being mugged off twice.
Should I risk being wrong and just finish it with him without giving him the reason why? If I give him the reason he'll just deny it's his username.

@Squeezyhug

OP you don’t need to justify leaving him. You don’t need to give a reason other than you don’t feel happy with him anymore.

No need to look for evidence or explain yourself.
You don’t trust him so just leave.

All you need to say “this isn’t working for me , I’m out.”

OK. thank you

Hi OP, I am sadly in a similar situation to you. Mine lied and lied and lied until he was found out. It turns out when I am logged into his emails on gmail on my phone, (which I always am as he signs in on my phone frequently) I can also go to his location history and see exactly where his phone has been and how long he spent there. Thanks google! So it wasn’t difficult for me to get the evidence I needed in order for me to know he had been a cheating bastard. That alongside a bizarre cash withdrawal was enough for me. I have just yesterday kicked him out. Trying to pluck up the courage to get the ball rolling and divorce his lying ass. But it will be a long and painful road.

e.g. first name of the punter.

And here's me thinking they all call themselves John, hence the word John being used to mean punter/prostitute user in the USA.

They must get bored using it, or feel a fals sense of intimacy with the prostitute and use their real name.

Back on topic, you shouldnt have blamed yourself, you're not a hole to be fucked, you're not a service, you're not an object that performs. you're more than that, he's not entitled to piv sex, you're allowed to not be active/up for it/have changes in your sex drive; you're a person and supposed to be a partner and a loved one. Lots and lots of ppl, both female and male, have variations (short term and long term) in theor sex drive or desire to have sex or ability to have sex .... decent partners understand that, decent partners don't see the as one dimenstional or providing a service or that they can get that service elsewhere, if they no longer provide it as much/at all. That's a relationship, that's a partnership. He obviously doesnt provide that/is not capable of that.

Oh and how do you know for sure he wouldn't have been doing that even if you were secually active as ou were before.

It crosses a big line to cheat , and it crosses a big line to pay for sex. He's crossed both. That's who he is.

You say 'should I risk being wrong'. It sounds very much to me as if you need to be sure in your own mind that he's been at it again, to prompt you in kicking him out. In that case look at his mobile phone account and google any mobile numbers you don't recognise especially calls made around the time of his cash withdrawals. If he had emailed them, check his emails, including deleted ones. If necessary download the contents of his phone to YOUR computer (called Take Out I think) and it will all show up there. I have been in exactly your situation and likewise DH couldnt stop himself from revisiting despite his categoric pleas and assurances he would NEVER ever do it again. The fucking liar didn't realise he'd married a 21st century version of Miss Marple. I found him out of course, so when I kicked him out there were no doubts in my mind that I was doing the right thing. PM me if you wish. I know how you must be feeling.

I’m in a similar situation and thank you for being so brave to share your story. Only found out on Thursday and still in shock. It’s helpful to read your posts.

Unfortunately it’s not easy to walk away from a 10 year relationship, when you have two kids that love their Dad. I think every situation is individual.

We were about to purchase a new house and my mum is going through chemo. On top of that I work two stressful jobs. Not sure how I’m going to cope. Just worried I was so rock bottom already and desperate for this to go away I’ll put up with anything.

Anyway think we need a support group for all the ladies going through this sort of thing. I work in mental health so if people want to reach out, we can try to set something up.

All the best and positivity op, only you know what's best

I cannot for the life of me work out why anyone would stay to be humiliated like this. However, if you DO choose to stay, OP, please please protect yourself - use condoms if you ever have sex with the sad muppet and get yourself STI-checked on a regular basis. He doesnt give a shiny shit about your health and well-being, so you have to put yourself first.

Exactly. Get rid.

It is entirely likely he was seeing prostitutes throughout your marriage before he got caught and - rather insultingly to your intelligence and feelings - put the blame on you.

It is a certainty that he will carry on seeing prostitutes.

You are making the mistake of thinking that what he does with prostitutes is somehow due to you, or has any relationship with the sex that you have with him. It isn't and it doesn't. Sex with prostitutes is his 'thing'. It is as compulsive as any other fetish, and he won't be able to stop although he wouldn't ever consider stopping anyway. He likes it, he wants to have that special prostitute sex, and he will carry on liking it and having it.

Never mind whether or not he respects 'women' - he doesn't respect YOU.

Your relationship is over. You just need to give yourself permission to actually face how you feel about it, and then get on with improving your life. Don't get trapped by the need to feel that you should be improving his life instead.

Powerful message. Thank you for such an insightful post @Haffiana