I want to divorce. Don't know where to start, help!

[Namechang22]

Name changed. Will try to include as much info as possible.

Been married for 2 years. We did it when I was pregnant as I didn't want to risk anything. We have been living abroad also for 2 years. DH works, I don't, I am a SAHM looking after my 1 year old (his preference not mine).
I am currently pregnant again. Too late for abortion (yes I thought about it).

I don't think there is a need to go onto details about why I want to leave. But briefly, I feel lonely in my marriage. I don't think DH is a good dad. He swears and shouts a lot. He is very selfish (his work his gym his studying etc...) the house, me and the kid come after.
I am not given any opportunity to do anything for myself whether work wise or just self care time.
Our relationship has kind of died after the birth. We havent slept in the same bed for 8 months.
He annoys the hell out of me most of the time and stresses me out.
I find myself feeling at peace when it's just me and the baby at home.

He has some qualities but at this point they don't really add anything to my life.

I know it's a typical case of why did you marry and have kids if you knew how the guy was. No need to come with this comment. Already feeling shit enough.

I don't have any savings. We share a bank account where he gets his salary for the daily expenditure. I don't have access to savings account which are in his name.
We rent our flat and have no assets apart from a car in his name.

Before I quit my job to move abroad with him I was working a decent job in London. I have a degree and experience and could work again easily, only problem is childcare and pregnancy right now.

That being said I would not be able to provide for myself and 2 kids. And wouldnt know where to live, which country.

I honestly don't even know where to start. DH knows I am unhappy but I am sure doesn't suspect I am thinking or divorce/separation.

What do I do?

Talk to him first?
Talk to a lawyer?
Wait until I give birth?

How messy does it get?

I am so lost and would really appreciate any advice or anyone sharing their own experiences... especially when living abroad.

Thank you

Can you talk to him about how you feel and see if you can do marriage counselling? Work on the relationship?

If you can't, or don't feel safe doing that, then I would start by talking to a lawyer. You need to find out your rights and, in particular, what the law says about the children you share. In many places you cannot move the children away from the other parent without their consent.

You'll also need to think about how you are going to support yourself and your children.

You really need to take proper informed advice about your situation relevant to the country you are in and the likely reaction of your husband.

Most countries expect parents to agree Co parenting that allows children to develop a relationship with both parents. Unless both parties agree it is very difficult to get court agreement to relocate out of the country.

Without court agreement you run serious legal risks if you just take the children and leave. In some countries this is a crime and in most it will result in an order to return the children. Which the uk police and courts will uphold.

I think you need to establish how you can live as a single parent if you separate. As well as what his reaction would be to you relocating to the UK. If he is adamantly against this and likely to block you legally then it is better that you know you actual rights and the consequences of rash actions. You won’t get this in SM.

You cannot take the children to another country without his permission. So you need to consider that above all else with regards to this decision. Can you work in the country you are in, are there language barriers? Do you want to stay there and can you work there.

One possible option might be if you can get his agreement to go stay with your parents until after the baby is born for support. Once you are there with both children, extend the stay as long as possible and involve lawyers at that point. But it will be very expensive if you have to go to court over it and guarantees of success - you must speak to an experienced internationally focussed family lawyer.

One other point that is worth bearing in mind is if you do divorce, is where you do it. Generally the UK is considered to be more generous to women than anywhere else. But to divorce in the UK you have to file here first. So heads up on talking to your husband if you think he will act aggressively (likely from what you have described), I would not tell him until you are ready and informed to act quickly.