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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I can't cope anymore

16 replies

KaidensMum12 · 28/03/2022 10:01

I found out in January my partner of 17 years and father of my 2 children had an affair. I kicked him out. It's been 12 weeks and I'm still not coping.
He denied being in contact with her for 10 of those weeks, saying he wants to be on his own, his depressed, he needs to sort himself out, he doesn't know what he wants, he can't come home because his hurt me etc but I caught them together last weekend so it explains why he hasn't even tried to come home. It's broken me I feel so hurt and heartbroken. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I cry all the time. All I think about is them together.
I don't want my children around her or them. I don't want them playing happy families with my children. I know I probably sound so childish but it hurts so much. When will this pain end? I try so hard to be "happy" but I just can't. I'm waiting for my doctor to call back to see about going on sertraline to help with my anxiety and depression but is that really the only way? I feel so lost and like I'm grieving for my once "best friend" if you can even call him that now.
If it wasn't for my children needing me I wouldn't be here anymore. He has broken me down so much I'm just so sad and I can't see a way out of this. His all Iv ever known.

OP posts:
Frigginintheriggin · 28/03/2022 10:09

12 weeks is not a long time when compared to the length of your relationship.
Hes still lying to you.
Im assuming partner means you weren't married? So no divorce to sort , but does that make financial issues for you? Housing problems?
It really is like grieving. You are feeling the loss of someone you thought you knew. And trusted.
It will get better. Don't be hard on yourself or rush yourself through the stages of emotions .
But do try and be practical about the legalities of everything.
Hopefully you have someone in real life to lean on.
You can do this. You will be ok.
It will take time, but you will get there 💐

SophieSoSo · 28/03/2022 10:13

You will come through this, I promise you will, but it is going to take time.

You are grieving, of course you are. Grieving your relationship, the man you thought he was and the future you thought you had. He is still lying to you, which has delayed you from processing this.

Time is the biggest healer, I know you don’t want to hear that and you just want to feel better now but it will take time. Hopefully the medication will take the edge off for you, do you have real life support?x

KaidensMum12 · 28/03/2022 10:14

@Frigginintheriggin Yeah I know it's just so hard not feeling any better. I mean I did start to as I genuinely believed there wasn't anyone else but now I know it's like it's hit me all over again.
No not married, we got together when we was at school and now in our 30s. House is in my name. Only thing that ties us together now are the children.
Never did I think he would do this to me and our children. The thought of my children never having their family together kills me too. I feel so sad that I couldn't keep it together for them.
I do have friends and family in real life it's just hard as they don't understand and are probably sick to death of hearing me talk about it all the time.

OP posts:
KaidensMum12 · 28/03/2022 10:18

@SophieSoSo I really don't see how this is ever going to end. The thought of being civil with him when his hurt me so much kills me. He really doesn't understand how much his hurt me. He hasn't had to feel this pain and loneliness as he has moved straight on.
He told me the reason he lied was because he didn't want to hurt me even more but it's done the complete opposite. He even told me if he finds out I have been elsewhere then it's game over and won't be coming home. So he actually left me with a little bit of hope he would come home. Even though deep down I wouldn't take him back I'm just so hurt and destroyed. X

OP posts:
frozendaisy · 28/03/2022 10:24

It's not you that didn't keep the family together you need to remember that it's very important.

His lying cheating ass is not worth your life, your mental health. Don't let him do this to you.

You are worth so much more.

It will be ok.

KaidensMum12 · 28/03/2022 10:27

@frozendaisy How do I stop thinking like this though. All I think is maybe if I was better he wouldn't of done this (he actually said this to me as well) I know deep down I did everything I could to make us work but maybe if I was less paranoid or less insecure he wouldn't of had to look elsewhere. I was so wrapped up with working 3 jobs and looking after him and my children I felt so lost and now Iv lost everything

OP posts:
SophieSoSo · 28/03/2022 10:28

What a cruel man. You won’t see it now, but you will look back one day and wonder what you ever saw in him.

There is a lot of advice here, many women have been through similar and will support you through this. He isn’t the prize, he will do this to his new partner. He is very likely to come crawling back eventually. I hope you are strong enough then to tell him to fuck off because you deserve so much better than this.

KaidensMum12 · 28/03/2022 10:35

@SophieSoSo I really hope so. At the moment I just feel guilty that I could of done more to not make him look elsewhere.
That is why I posted on here to see if anyone can give me advice and support. I need to get better for my children.
I just feel like he has found her and going to get his happily ever after and I'm going to be sad all the time. I absolutely can't see him crawling back either or surely he would of done that by now? I hope he does to be honest and I hope I have the strength to reject him just like he has me x

OP posts:
SophieSoSo · 28/03/2022 11:01

No, this is absolutely not your fault.

You work three jobs and raise your children? You should be fucking proud of that.

There is nothing that you could have done to excuse what he did - no matter what he says, this is all on him. Has he always tried to gaslight you and blame you for his shitty behaviour?

He won’t get his happy ending. Sure, it will look that that at first (mainly for your benefit!) but once reality kicks in things will change. He will do the same to her eventually.

KaidensMum12 · 28/03/2022 11:46

@SophieSoSo He has truly made me believe it is but I know deep down it's because he has her there making him feel better.
Yeah I was so wrapped up in everything else maybe that's why he looked elsewhere. He said he found in her what he was missing with me 😪
He hasn't always done it we have had very good times but towards the end things were getting tough, arguments etc but if he was unhappy he should of left not had an affair because that's what's broken me and made me feel worthless. Especially now his with her.
I really really hope and pray that your right about his happy ending with her. X

OP posts:
SophieSoSo · 28/03/2022 11:56

He is re-writing history to ease his own guilt about what he did. It’s easier to blame you than to look at himself. Please believe that this isn’t you x

KaidensMum12 · 28/03/2022 12:34

@SophieSoSo thank you for taking the time to reply to me x

OP posts:
SophieSoSo · 28/03/2022 12:40

[quote KaidensMum12]@SophieSoSo thank you for taking the time to reply to me x[/quote]
That’s ok x be kind to yourself and take it an hour at a time.

This is the worst it will ever be, remember that x

frozendaisy · 28/03/2022 14:57

[quote KaidensMum12]@frozendaisy How do I stop thinking like this though. All I think is maybe if I was better he wouldn't of done this (he actually said this to me as well) I know deep down I did everything I could to make us work but maybe if I was less paranoid or less insecure he wouldn't of had to look elsewhere. I was so wrapped up with working 3 jobs and looking after him and my children I felt so lost and now Iv lost everything [/quote]
You stop making excuses for him.

If you talk to people (adults) you tell them the truth. That you worked 3 jobs and tried to keep stuff together but that wasn't enough for the cheating arsehole.

And try and not measure your value in terms of being in a relationship. This new woman, time will wear out the new shinny smell.

It is unlikely you would have found peace if he came back, you would be suspicious, paranoid it would be far from anything called happy.

So the house is in your name, you have your kids, you are working.

Get practical.

You need time off to breathe.

Work out the childcare arrangements with him, and how much child maintenance he needs to give you.

Don't let him back in the house.
Change the house paint a room so he no longer knows what it looks like outside.

If he wants the kids X3 days a week or whatever he does the school runs on those days or pays more.

Delete any social media of him.

Start rinsing him away from your life piece by piece.

SunflowerTed · 29/03/2022 10:24

[quote KaidensMum12]@frozendaisy How do I stop thinking like this though. All I think is maybe if I was better he wouldn't of done this (he actually said this to me as well) I know deep down I did everything I could to make us work but maybe if I was less paranoid or less insecure he wouldn't of had to look elsewhere. I was so wrapped up with working 3 jobs and looking after him and my children I felt so lost and now Iv lost everything [/quote]
Do not blame yourself. You are enough. He is the problem. He is a liar and a cheat - not because you’ve done anything wrong but because he was been weak and let it happen. You deserve better. Visit the Doctor and get something for your anxiety. I promise your hurt will turn to anger. Be strong and in the kindest way don’t let the kids suffer if he wants to see them xx wishing you luck

Sunshineanddogs · 29/03/2022 11:04

I’m in exactly the same situation as you I’m afraid. You’re not alone in how you’re feeling. Im absolutely destroyed and like you, can’t eat, sleep and can’t stop crying wondering where it all went wrong. I found out back in Dec and still feel sick every morning at the thought of another day feeling like this. Please know you’re not alone xxx

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