Sex life going down the pan..

[Dotty08]

So yeah I’ve been with my fiancé for 4 years. We’ve recently had a baby. I love him so much but the sex is just not what I want.

When we first got together it was amazing as it usually is but it was short lived.
He stopped going down on me and that’s a big part of sex for me.

We’ve literally argued about it for three years and he always says he’ll start to do it again and then doesn’t.

I’ve asked a million times if he doesn’t like it, why he won’t do it .. he says he just doesn’t think. That he does enjoy it.. but if he did surely he’d just do it.

Anyway it’s got to the point where I resent him that much I don’t even want to have sex. I never initiate it anymore it’s really upsetting me and making me feel like something is wrong with me and just affecting my confidence like I’m not desirable

If has not performed oral sex for 3 years then it’s probably fair to say he doesn’t want to / like it, but he is probably too embarrassed to tell you the reason why or afraid of your response

Yes, it does sound like he doesn’t like doing it but doesn’t want to offend you / hurt your feelings by telling you perhaps.

Is he pressing for sex otherwise?

Many people do things in bed at the start of a relationship which they aren’t particularly keen on, then tail off and it sounds like this was the case for him. I think you have to decide whether you can come to terms with the sex as it is or not - and if not, separate. Pestering him to do something he clearly doesn’t enjoy doing isn’t a feature of a good relationship.

I think you know he doesn’t like doing it, so why keep on at him? Nobody likes to be pestered. It’s a turn off.

I agree with others, it is obvious he doesn’t like it and you shouldn’t take that personally - he probably wouldn’t like it with anyone in the same way some women don’t like giving oral sex. It would be better if you could just accept that and come to terms with it though he hasn’t helped the situation by not being honest with you.

Have you actually asked him to do it during sex? He couldn't say it didn't occur to him then. Him lying about being happy to do it if he's not is really not helping anyone and is pretty pathetic IMO - he sounds like a people pleaser who just says what he thinks you want to hear, whilst actually doing the opposite.

It sounds like this is very important to you though which could be a big problem for your sex life and the relationship. He has to willing to talk about it if it is to be resolved in any way - for example is there anything that would mean he'd enjoy it such as minty gel or just doing it for a short time? He might just be feeling too much pressure to do it for a long time - but again he needs to grow up and have a conversation.

If you only orgasm through oral or mainly do it that way then if he doesn't want to it it he should be finding other ways to ensure you get yours. Sex is a mutual act and if he is the only one spuffing his load then it makes sense you don't want to do anything with him. Get yourself a BOB if you don't already have one and if he doesn't finish you off then reach for it and get yourself there and show him he has left you unsatisfied! Life is too short for shit sex! x

Why have you asked him a million times over the past few years?
Clearly he doesn't want to do it. At the very most pestering him about it will make him do it reluctantly...and would you even want that?

You have to take some responsibility here and accept that he doesn't want to do it, that means if you stay with him you have to stop asking and accept it, or else you end the relationship.

@Qwertyyui, whats a BOB? I have many sex toys, non are called BOB as far as I know 🤣 maybe I'll open the drawer and ask them later 😉
Back to OP.... if you're not willing to ask him whilst having sex to give you oral you're not going to have a definite answer. It may be he cba or he doesn't like doing it. Maybe its hard work for him (ah bless) if you take longer that 5 seconds to come??
Ask next time. Then you'll know. If its a deal breaker for you and unfixable from him then leave. Shit sex forever would be a 'not on your nelly mate' from me .