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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I wasting my time?

14 replies

Mamamoo12 · 27/03/2022 22:12

I never write on anything like this but I’m getting frustrated and I love how honest you all are so here it goes……I’ve known my friend for over 15 years and there’s always been a ‘special spark’ between us but we’ve both been in and out of relationships so nothing has ever happened and we even went a long time without speaking due to this. Our partners would get annoyed about our friendship so we just left it for a while…. We got back into contact a few years ago and it’s just been the odd message here and there just asking how the other is doing etc. I’ve since separated from my partner and am now a single mum to a little girl. My friend is also single so our messages have been a little more regular than normal. We have since both admitted that we’ve always liked each other and wishes one of us had said something back then. The messages, at times, has got a little steamy (him starting them) and we’ve met up a few times during the day. We get on so amazingly well and constantly laugh. Each time we’ve said goodbye, we have shared a cheeky kiss, which he has initiated. In his messages he’s always saying how much he’s liked me over the years and still does, is amazed nothing has happened, he wants to take me out on a ‘date’ etc. It’s been making me feel so happy as I’ve had a pretty rough time with relationships etc. We have made several plans to meet up and when it gets nearer the time, I don’t hear from him. He’s since apologised and said he’s been busy and doesn’t want to abuse our friendship. However, it takes a minute to send a quick message to cancel so I’m not naive. After we last met, we were messaging a few days after and all of sudden he’s stopped replying. Now I’m not one of these people to message again. He’s seen I’ve messaged him so if he wants to get in contact he can.
My question really is….am I wasting my time? I’ve pretty much been in love with this friend for such a long time and have always managed to get on with life knowing I couldn’t have him. I’m frustrated because he keeps telling me he has all these feelings yet doesn’t seem interested at all. I’ve said from the start I’m happy just being friends if that’s what he wants but he says he doesn’t. You’d think after so many years of us both feeling the way we do, something might have happened. I’ve been single for 3 years so it’s not a rebound for me and he’s been single for a long time too…..or maybe he’s speaking/seeing someone new? I just wished he’d be honest as I can accept it no matter what it is…..Do I just walk away from our friendship or leave it a while for him to contact me and if he doesn’t, I know where I stand?

OP posts:
SunflowerTed · 27/03/2022 23:24

He is messing you about. Probably has a full blown relationship going on

spotcheck · 27/03/2022 23:27

He's keeping you hooked while he sorts someone else out

BobbyBleu · 27/03/2022 23:29

I was going to ask if you are certain he's single?

jo55ie · 28/03/2022 00:00

He's seeing someone... hasn't got enough gumption to tell you. Put him on the back burner out of reach and find yourself a decent man

Bodgerbarbara · 28/03/2022 00:06

Doesn’t sound decent to me. Sounds like a head fucker.

Mamamoo12 · 29/03/2022 18:51

To be honest you’re all saying what I was thinking. I guess I was in denial because I didn’t want to think of him being a total arse but here we are…..Thank you for giving me the push I needed. He’s definitely on the back burner 🥰

OP posts:
nutbutter1 · 29/03/2022 20:45

I’ve been toying with posting something similar myself . I just felt so stupid and vulnerable . So I’m sorry this has happened you but thanks for posting . Clarity ! I had a procedure yesterday and he said he would be anxious all day. I updated him and last night going to bed after hearing nothing since 6.30 yesterday I messaged good night and he pretended he had sent me messages asking how I am 3 times . But his messages must have got lost . This has happened before . No way did he text . Could have phoned me . Everytime I suggest a phone call he avoids it . All arrangements to meet are done by email even . I’m so done too mamamoo . Started making moves today to distance myself from him .

Mamamoo12 · 29/03/2022 22:14

nutbutter1 I’m sorry you’re going through this as well. It’s a horrible situation to be in and I think we want to believe in the good because of how we feel. I’ve already distanced myself and although it hurts now, it won’t for long. I’ve gotten over much worse. Hope everything works out for you ♥️

OP posts:
Foreverinjeans · 29/03/2022 22:21

I posted about a male friend a while ago. Gave me mixed messages, like dating women who reminded him of me. Big brush off. I'd misinterpreted him.

Cue him getting in touch a few weeks ago after I'd gone non contact. Using pet name, intimate email, culminating in him asking me to go and stay, just as friends.
He repeatedly asked. I'm staying clear as I realised he's a head fucker and I suspect he wants me on the beck burner till he's ready.

Fuck that

This friend sounds similar. Run

nutbutter1 · 30/03/2022 06:51

@Foreverinjeans that’s callled love bombing and that’s what got me hooked . We live and learn . Anytime I say anything he makes me feel I’m in the wrong and I end up apologising for nothing . I feel so let down by him .

Anyway I have a life to live as do you ladies so we must try move on from these asses .

GeneLovesJezebel · 30/03/2022 06:55

He is keeping you dangling on a string. You are being used. End it.

HollowTalk · 30/03/2022 06:57

If someone makes you feel bad about yourself in any way, you'd be crazy to start a relationship with him. He is backing off furiously and isn't being honest with you.

liveforsummer · 30/03/2022 07:18

Classic messer a litre. No meaningful relationship will ever come of this. He's just enjoying the ego boost!

Aprilx · 30/03/2022 13:27

I got halfway through reading that thinking it sounded very promising … but no, I don’t know what he is up to, but he is messing you about and probably has other options he wants to explore first.

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