Would you p****d off?

[Seraphena53]

Boyfriend & I in a relationship for 15 months. It's long distance & we see each other every Wed-Fri & the odd Wed-Sat. Because he drives 4hrs to be here, I make a bit of a fuss of him when he's here, cook etc.

We speak every day without fail & text a couple of times during the day. We initially made plans for him to stay until Sat, but he accidentally made plans to see friends in his hometown which he doesn't do often, so I said no problem, we'll go out another Fri night. This Sat he texts good morning, then doesn't answer my call in the afternoon & doesn't text at all, not even replying to my goodnight text which is very unusual for him. I see that he hadn't looked at his WhatsApp from 6pm to midnight.

This morning he texts good morning & I asked what happened & he said it was a busy day, apologised, so I said ok & moved on. He didn't call again today & hasn't texted either.

AIBU for feeling hurt and confused. I don't know what's going on. Did he meet someone else on Sat night? Is he going off me? I just texted "What's going on?" No response.

It's just that I feel I treat him so well and I'm being treated poorly.

Hmmm, sounds a bit fishy

It could be that he really is just having a busy couple of days.

I can completely understand how you feel though. I’d be the same. Especially as you normally speak everyday. Try to not worry or be too upset, I know it’s easier said than done. & try and distract yourself until he replies.

I think modern technology does more bad than good in relationships. There’s an expectation of replying instantly, checking when they were last online. Panicking and then jumping to conclusions. (I see myself doing this behaviour and it is really unhealthy).

You know what's normal communication between you, if you suddenly feel he's taken a step back, I would do the same until he can contact you, suggest a phone call and speak honestly how you feel, maybe for whatever reason he is going off the relationship, and you are sensing it.

I know 😔 It's just that if tables were turned he would be having a sulk/strop

We wants you to end it. Sorry, but it's the truth. He's out the door and down the hall.

@HellToTheNope what a ridiculous thing to say- of course you don’t know that at all.

Op- I do agree though with you that it’s not good behaviour from him. It would really upset me too. Try to wait and hear him out. Although I can’t imagine what reason would be good enough for him to justify this shitty behaviour 🌻

What do you mean he would be sulking / stropping if the tables were turned?

It sounds like you might have other issues if that is the case. Is he generally a bit immature? Sulking and stropping are not good signs that he's a keeper.

The problem is that you're so intertwined by texting that neither of you can have a life out with each other. You've got into this habit of speaking several times per day and that's never going to be upkeepable. So the second he misses one day, you're freaking out.

It might well be that he met someone else that night. Who knows. That's where trust comes in. But my first instinct is to take my partner at their word because if my first instinct was that they would cheat on me at the first opportunity - then they wouldn't be my bf.

The point is op, you shouldn't be worried sick just because they don't text you for one night. That shows that there's no trust (maybe rightly so if your instincts are on the ball generally).

Thats a bit of a sudden change in his communication with you. It doesn't sound good really.
Was he definitely out with a friend, or do you think he might have gone on a date? Or a weekend away with someone even.

Whatever his reason, he is treating you badly considering he must realise that you'd be expecting to call/text as normal.

See what he says. Maybe something happened in his life he is dealing with and he isn't ready to tell you yet, so avoiding you to avoid the issue. Could be totally innocent, but then surely he'd just reassure you he had to sort something and would be in contact less for a few days.

You sound incredibly needy. He told you he was going out with some friends on Saturday but you've annoyed because he didn't look at his Whatsapp between 6 and midnight? Don't you see your friends or family? Or do you live for the times when your boyfriend rings or texts you? I think the whole thing sounds suffocating. There's nothing that puts a man off a woman more than someone who is clingy.

@DoWhatYouLike

How is that needy? He normally texts and calls her and since saturday hes dialled it down massively.
No communication today at all.
OP is concerned because things have obviously changed.
That does not that translate to OP being needy, suffocating and clingy!

I would say that the communication schedule is just unhealthy longterm. We don't know if he instigates it as much as op though. But it sounds like it might be based on insecurity. Not saying that some couples don't just want to talk several times every day of course but if him dialing back the contact a little is making you think he is up to no good then that's not very healthy.

Of course he may well be up to no good. But it may be that you are stressing over nothing. Where as if you just saw eachoher as usual and only messaged inbetween if you had something to tell eachother that couldn't wait till then then you'd save yourself all the stresses of 'omg he hasn't texted for a whole half day, something might be wrong'.

@layladomino

What do you mean he would be sulking / stropping if the tables were turned?

It sounds like you might have other issues if that is the case. Is he generally a bit immature? Sulking and stropping are not good signs that he's a keeper.

Yes I wondered about that.

Op hope you’ve heard from him again and all is well.