How suspicious would you be?

crispmidnightpeace · 2022-03-27T16:59:04+00:00

Girl is part of gym group, day one: tells funny story about her from the gym session day two: talks about team all being male 'oh, except Sarah, she's part of our team but she's female' day three: again talks about team mates and points out that Sarah is the only female day three: Mentions he 'must text her later' as her mum is unwell and she's been away from the group because of this.

NeedleNoodle3 · 27/03/2022 18:02

Sounds like he has mentionitus.

seensome · 27/03/2022 18:19

I don't think it's appropriate to have her number and to ask personal questions about her family, I'd think it's an excuse to message her because it likes her but doesn't want to feel bad so he's telling you
Unless he's actually organising the group and has good reason to text her?

MayBMaybenot · 27/03/2022 18:26

Does he organise a group/team activity involving everyone? In which case, texting to see if she will be available for the next meeting/activity might just be OK.

I wouldn't be over reacting at this stage but I would be keeping and eye out for any escalation.

Thewindwhispers · 27/03/2022 18:36

I wouldn’t be suspicious but I would assume both that he’s attracted to her and likes her as a person ☹️

I’d probably say oi why are you texting some random woman from your gym?!

There was a thread the other day about whether or not women are happy for their bloke to have close female friends - depends what’s normal for you guys really. It would piss me off goven that there’s obviously an attraction. It’s not like she’s an old friend from school.

fghj149 · 27/03/2022 19:42

Something similar happened to me a few years back and it got under my skin. Turned out from some investigating she was the one trying to get close to him - although she was in a relationship too! Do have any male friends op? In my case dh was jealous of male school friends of mine I’d known for forever. Politely explained to him that when you’re in a relationship, making friends with a random of the opposite sex shouldn’t be a priority IMHO

MinorWomensWhiplash1 · 27/03/2022 20:04

Mentionitis, he fancies her.

Original poster

crispmidnightpeace · 27/03/2022 20:36

@fghj149

Something similar happened to me a few years back and it got under my skin. Turned out from some investigating she was the one trying to get close to him - although she was in a relationship too! Do have any male friends op? In my case dh was jealous of male school friends of mine I’d known for forever. Politely explained to him that when you’re in a relationship, making friends with a random of the opposite sex shouldn’t be a priority IMHO

To be fair yes, three of his closest friends are female and I am 100% okay with them all. One he even had open attraction to before we got together but again no issue, he is attracted to her, she to him, but I respect them both and it's not an issue.

This, is just something a bit.... mentionitissy - just wondered if I was being silly over. I'm not, obviously, and thanks for the comments.

OP posts:

Original poster

crispmidnightpeace · 27/03/2022 20:38

@Thewindwhispers

I wouldn’t be suspicious but I would assume both that he’s attracted to her and likes her as a person ☹️

I’d probably say oi why are you texting some random woman from your gym?!

There was a thread the other day about whether or not women are happy for their bloke to have close female friends - depends what’s normal for you guys really. It would piss me off goven that there’s obviously an attraction. It’s not like she’s an old friend from school.

I did :)

On day three I said 'you know you mention her a lot' and the conversation was had and he said thing is when you're in a group like this, they do showcases and fights and things, you get close. And I do get that as I am in a similar group where we get close, and he said 'you mentioned this person a lot when you joined' which I did... because we got on so well, we still do, and he is now married with a kid which is great. I said openly I love him, as a friend, which I do (but we would not message outside the group but if we see one another would hug and be happy to see one another)

Then I do message males from said group, all totally platonically and related to the group activities.

But I did pick up on mentionitus with this woman, which is why I asked.

OP posts:

baileys6904 · 27/03/2022 21:17

If he didn't mention her, you could think he's hiding things cos there's something going on.
Mention her and everyone says it must be cos he likes her
If we globally got issues with the correct number of times to mention someone without it being anything suspicious, I must have missed that memo.

This wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

supersop60 · 27/03/2022 21:27

It might be too early for it to be mentionitis, but keep an eye on it. Is she new to the group? Or is your dh new? Or have they known each other for ages and he's just started mentioning her?
My DP had an emotional affair with a 'new' person. I had no issues at all with the female friends he had from before he met me. Just this particular one that he talked about all the time.....

Chonfox · 28/03/2022 00:57

I wouldn't like this but I'm quite jealous at heart (while often playing the easy breezy "cool wife" role ) depends on the man though. With my husband who doesn't have close female friends this would be out of character and would raise my suspicions but with a previous partner this would have been no big deal as he was a very friendly outgoing type and had lots of sisters/female friends and not a deceitful bone in his body. Is it out of character?

Cloudgazer42 · 28/03/2022 02:53

I would feel the need to be on alert, ot certainly twinges my tummy a bit.