He ate the soup... Advice for leaving?

[Tdcp]

Earlier I made a thread (he ate the soup...) And after many many people advising that he's actually emotionally, financially and possibly sexually abusing me, I've made the decision to leave.

I've contacted women's aid by email. I don't have friends or family, I have a nan 240 miles away but I'd rather not run to her if I can help it. Ideally I'd like him to leave but he wouldn't do that. I'd like to claim u.c and get my own place nearby to keep things as normal for DD as possible. I have 2 cats also.

I don't know what matters or not so I've just shoved it all in there! I really need to keep firm on this, I'm not good with people and I get sucked into believing him when he's apologising or just letting things go when I shouldn't. I want to leave, I've wanted to leave for years.

I don't know what I want from this thread tbh, just general advice perhaps? Sorry it's been a long day and I'm full of cold...

It's late, love, and I don't have experience but didn't want you unanswered. Bump this in the morning. You will do it!

WA will help talk and walk you through your options. There is nothing that can't be fixed. Cats can be fostered till you're on your feet, kids are adaptable, you got this

I’ve just read your other thread all the way through 💐💐
In your shoes I would accept all the help that womens aid will offer you. There’s a lot to unpack here, you will need some counselling and I think you need to be aware that your decision making has been influenced by this guy for so long that you don’t necessarily know what’s best for you. Do listen to them.

I really believe you can get a job - he’s told you that you can’t.

While you are waiting to hear back from them I would read the pinned thread at the top of the relationships board about going into a refuge. That might be suggested for you and the thread will give you a good idea of what to expect.

I’d also get together DDs birth certificate abs any other important docs and a few clothes and toiletries. Put them in the boot of you car in a garbage bag labelled charity shop if you think that he wouldn’t question that. Otherwise stash them somewhere safe in the house
I know you want to keep things normal for DD but realistically her life is going to change (and for the better). I think moving areas could be a good option for you so maybe start thinking about that.
Sending you strength and best wishes. We are all behind you

I am so relieved you have made the decision to leave. Your other thread was one of the most sickening things I have ever read.
I hope you can make your plans in secret. Abusers can often sense when they are losing control. He will try to confuse you again. Keep talking to us if you can safely.
It is late so I will just send you my love and wish you a very goodnight xx

Women's aid will set you on the right path, hang tight for a response or get on the phone tomorrow. There are several ways to leave a bastard and they know all of them.
You won't regret it, your situation is so wretched that anything will be better.
I'd text him that you want your money back at some point as well so his response can be shown to police.

Keep any texts from him in case you decide to contact police about his other abusive behaviour at a later date.

There are ways to force him out of the house legally. Domestic abuse IS taken more seriously now by pretty much every agency out there.

Op, so glad that you decided to start a separate thread on here. I think admitting to yourself just how bad things are, is quite scary but once you do, it helps to get some momentum to leave. One thing is to start getting important documents for both your and your child stored somewhere safely if you cannot immediately leave. A dear friend did not have a lot of cash but rented a small storage unit that offered free storage for the first couple of months. She took small amounts of vital and useful things there as she knew he would likely go ballistic and destroy her things. But Women's Aid is a really good start.

Just to let you know there are charities that will look after/foster your cats in the short term til you are settled in a new place if your are leaving an abusive relationship.

When I left my ex-H who was abusive I didn't think it was 'bad enough' for help from Women's Aid but they offered me a refuge place. I didn't take it but it gave me the strength to plan my exit. I did have help from my parents financially but I managed to arrange a rental nearby and move out. I was lucky though that my ex didn't escalate when I left, a lot do, and if you think he might you may need a different plan.

Can you arrange to visit or call or email your council housing office? In cases of abuse they can help to find you a private rental even if you don't want or qualify for council housing.

It is harder to rent with pets but I did it. 8 years on I'm so glad I left. My kids are now happy, well-adjusted teens, he is 99% out of my life and as of six months back I even have a new boyfriend who treats me well. Happiness is in reach, I promise.

OP are you married?

I’ve read your other thread as well and you’re making the right decision. Womens aid will help you, please don’t hesitate to call the police if this escalates into violent behaviour or you feel unsafe

Morning. Thanks for all of your messages and advice, it means a lot and they're really helpful. DD is currently hassling him to get up for mother's Day and I'm dreading it, partly because he'll act like everything's normal and then I'll question myself. It was part of the reason for starting a thread yesterday, I really just don't realise how bad this all is. He's here now

Can you arrange to visit or call or email your council housing office? In cases of abuse they can help to find you a private rental even if you don't want or qualify for council housing.

I didn't realise this thank you.

OP are you married?

No we're not married.

I just wanted to wish you happy Mother’s Day and remind you that this will be your last in this situation, I read your other post and my heart goes out to you. Stay strong and good luck

I have a question. I'm currently doing a course through CAMHS for dds seperation anxiety / tourettes. What would happen if I told the lady about this? Is it a good idea? I mean would she be able to do anything or would it get out of hand? She's really nice but I know she has protocol.

Yes, tell her about it.

If you feel able to report the assault that will also help.

Yes, absolutely tell her.
I hope you have got somewhere with Women's Aid x

Little update:

I put down a holding deposit on a house today! My application is being sent off to the landlord with a few others. I really hope I get it!

My job is great! I had a stressful day yesterday but everyone's so lovely and I'm really enjoying it. I like having a desk 😂. I get to wander off and do bits and bats and I have my own solo responsibilities too which is amazing.

I hope you're all doing well!

That's brilliant news OP! I'll keep everything crossed for you.

Well done!!

Are you getting help from WA or any other agency?

Are you still with the abuser? Any change there?