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Original poster

How to deal with a man that cant commit due to trauma

20 replies

Holly70788999 · 25/03/2022 21:25

I was with him for 9 months, he broke it off with me because he got too scared of everything and i tried to move on, about 3 weeks later we met up drunk and hit it off again and he wanted to try again and was sorry for everything but then two days later when we were trying to meet up he texted me saying he just cant commit to a serious relationship and can't give me what i want and he doesn't want me or him to be hurt. I'm upset i gave him another chance and he blew it again, i understand he is scared because he got hurt a long time ago but it doesn't mean he can keep hurting me. Should i just let this completely go? We have insane chemistry and never met someone like him but i did give him a second chance and that is pretty much my limit.

OP posts:
Prettynails · 25/03/2022 21:27

Believe him he can’t and doesn’t want a relationship. Move on.

WashedupTroll · 25/03/2022 21:28

When someone shows you who they are believe them.

MartinMartinMarti · 25/03/2022 21:31

You move on.

It was less than a year and he’s dumped you twice - clearly things aren’t ever going to be sunshine and roses.

I’d have sympathy if there was someth

Walkingalot · 25/03/2022 21:32

Block/delete/forget him and move on.

Saffy321 · 25/03/2022 21:34

let it go, if its meant to be then you wouldn't be asking

Rainbowqueeen · 25/03/2022 21:34

Yes let it go. Otherwise he will hurt you more and waste your time.

If he was serious about wanting a committed relationship and trauma was a problem he would be in therapy.

candycane222 · 25/03/2022 21:35

Hes unlikely to change I would have thought. If he really wanted to change he probably could but it would almost certainly take a while. It sounds as though he can't really be bothered though, so this is all youd get Sad

1000yellowdaisies · 25/03/2022 21:35

The 'being scared' line is total BS. They're never scared when they want to sleep with you or have fun.... the 'scared' kicks in when it suits them.
Hes telling you he doesn't want to be with you in a cowardly way.

candycane222 · 25/03/2022 21:36

I also agree with what rainbowqueen said

TinLeaf · 25/03/2022 21:37

He can commit, he is choosing not to. This man isn’t worth another second of your time.

speakball · 25/03/2022 21:39

The 'insane chemistry' is very much a part of unhealed trauma. As they says it's not the ones who back off that waste your life it's the ones who back off, reappear, back off, reappear ad infinitum. If it was gonna work it would just work.

SheKnowsWithoutKnowing · 25/03/2022 21:41

Agree @1000yellowdaisies
I've heard this one before too! they are always scared when it comes to commitment but they don't give a shit about using you. You're the one who should be scared of him, he'll just keep letting you down. Just let him go.

Loopytiles · 25/03/2022 21:42

‘Women are not rehabilitation centres for men’.

Avoid!

SophieSoSo · 25/03/2022 21:43

After two years of this bullshit myself - you run. Fast.

Echobelly · 25/03/2022 21:44

I'd let go - my sis was with someone like this for 10 years (fortunately in retrospect they met while very young) and it ended as he just couldn't commit, largely due to a trauma he'd experienced. It's sad, but it just wasn't happening and she couldn't wait any longer.

99pronouns · 26/03/2022 09:32

You want different things.
You want a committed loving relationship that might go somewhere.
He wants a warm bed when it suits him and nothing more.
Trauma has nothing to do with this, you need boundaries and for your needs to matter to you and be what you prioritise.

jytdtysrht · 26/03/2022 09:38

Move on.

Trauma does not give him the right to behave like this.

He will not change.

Find someone who respects you and respects the relationship.

5128gap · 26/03/2022 11:08

You don't have a lot of choice do you? He doesn't seem to want a second chance even if it were on offer. He's only interested in casual, on his terms, the reason for that is irrelevant, and bluntly, you have to take it or leave it. Personally I'd leave it, as you'll find it increasingly frustrating and hurtful.

Pandypuff · 26/03/2022 11:17

Stop making excuses for him. Women always do this. I have so many friends who waste time on these 'poor traumatized' guys who just CAN'T commit due to some heartbreak that's left them so scarred. Yet the same guy will have no problem 1) shagging around and 2) committing to someone else who he just basically likes more. Sorry. There's no nice way to say this. But it's true and you should know your worth and walk away. Playing the 'woe is me I'm sooo traumatized so I just can't commit but so you want to sleep together casually instead?' card is so overdone and I wish people would stop falling for it because it's easier than just admitting that this other person isn't that into them or doesn't want commitment.

Lubeyboobyalt · 26/03/2022 11:19

'How to deal with a man that cant commit due to trauma'

Don't. You are not a rehabilitation and therapy centre

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