Have I been a bitch?

[Undecidedandtorn]

I've seeing someone very casually for the last year and a bit - both see other people and hang out every couple of months of so. He can be a bit flaky at times but he's not my bf or anything so I just let it go - I'm a pretty laid back and 51 with lots going on (kids, work ect).

Last time I saw him he told me that he had developed feelings for me and I told him that I felt the same. He asked me if I was seeing anyone else and I said no. We agreed we needed to talk about things but he was starting a new job the next day and just wanted to keep his head clear - no problem. Then over the next few weeks lots of stuff happen with his family then I got covid then he was sick ect. I also have my kids every other week so there are lots of times I couldn't make it when he could.

Finally get a night we can both do which is tonight . He is meant to be here at 5. It gets to 6 and he isn't here. I message to see where he is and he said sorry - his dad is sick and he has had to go and see him (its a ferry ride away). I say sorry about your dad but if you had let me know earlier I could have made other plans. He's now saying I'm giving him a hard time which he doesn't need. His dad needed CPR and he's freaking out.

I absolutely believe him about his dad but I did give him a hard time for not letting me know he wasn't coming. AIBU here ? I am torn between thinking I have been a bitch and that it wasn't unreasonable for him to say he should have let me know. I asked him if he remembered he was meant to come (I can be very insecure) which might have been a bit far.

If you were moving your relationship on, I’d expect to be told this news as a significant person I. His life who should know. Even a quick - ‘dad’s really unwell, I’ll call when I can’

Otherwise you’re just a casual person in his life still.

@HeddaGarbled

Last time I saw him he told me that he had developed feelings for me and I told him that I felt the same. He asked me if I was seeing anyone else and I said no. We agreed we needed to talk about things but he was starting a new job the next day and just wanted to keep his head clear - no problem

This stands out to me: he was starting a new job the next day so needed to keep his head clear but chose that occasion to declare his feelings.

That’s bullshit isn’t it?

I suspect him of dicking around with you.

It's possible but I don't really see why he would bother. We see each other when we can, message most days and he knows I like him. There is nothing to be gained from saying he has feeling for me if he hasn't. I haven't stopped seeing other people just because he said that.

While I think it's perfectly acceptable that he should want to go to his father in this situation - and not texting you is also understandable - the way you've described your 'relationship' doesn't sound like it'd be great, whether you have feelings for each other or not. I'd honestly knock it on the head now, and try and find someone who can actually spend time with you!