Husband has struggled with being a parent since the day the DC were born- his mental health has deteriorated and he's been diagnosed with depression (lots of childhood trauma- cold, toxic parents who have ostracised him).
I've had severe PND and have tried my best to keep my shit together for the sake of the children and lift myself out of the PND cloud that has plagued me since I had my first. There were days not too long ago when I wanted to jump in front of an oncoming train or take an overdose and not wake up. I didn't follow through with anything because I knew if I died, there would be no one to take care of the children. Husband resents me for taking a tough survival stance and getting through each day. I resent him for leaving me to rot on my worst days and walking out for a breath of fresh air whilst I had two under two climbing all over me and me not having anything to give them (emotionally). There has been DV in the past where he's lashed out me and then reported me to the police for hurting him. We've had SS involvement twice.
We had a lot of couples counselling but nothing worked. Today he had a big meltdown in front of the toddlers over something trivial. He made them cry because of his screaming and shouting. I calmed the DC down. Took them to bed and came out to find him packing his things. He's told me I've ruined his life and he wishes the worst things for me- a prolonged and painful illness so I die a terrible death and other hurtful things. I don't know what to do. I knew our marriage was over and was going to raise the topic of divorce at some point but I wanted it to have as little impact on the DC as possible. I feel the circumstance under which he's leaving is going to leave them traumatised more than if we'd sat down with them and talked them through things calmly. What do I do?
The DC attend nursery a short car journey away- I don't drive. How will I get them there? I've recently returned to work after a few years out. How do I work at the opposite ends of the city and manage nursery drop offs and pick ups?! What am I going to do?! I'm petrified. To make matters worse, we were meant to be moving soon since our current property is too small for the DC. What will happen next? I have no idea how I'll manage the DCs clubs and groups- he did a lot with my older one- swimming, etc. I'll have to put a stop to their activities as I can't get there.