How to leave marriage when at rock bottom .

[lucy9990]

I've no job , no confidence , no self esteem, no friends .
I don't want to be married anymore but scared to go it alone.
Husband treats me like shit enjoys belittling me acts like he's Mr wonderful because he pays the bills . He regularly tells me to leave knowing that I have no where to stay . Nothings ever good enough for example I don't iron the shirts properly , there's a cobweb on the wall , the dishwasher isn't stacked properly . He lets me have access to money however if I bought anything other than essentials it would be frowned upon . He wears a £3000 watch and designer clothes.
I'm so unhappy I cry every day. How do I get out of this shit ?

Woman's aid

My heart aches for you and the others who have to put up with this crap.
Others here will give advice, but in the short term ( if you leave ) it will be tough. But later on in life you will be thankful you did.
Take care of yourself, physically and mentally..
best wishes OP..

I am very sorry go hear you are in this situation.
Well done speaking out.
No one should endure this but it can be hard to move on so get support.
If it is safe to do so call Women's Aid.
You might be able to meet a support worker discreetly.
If you can get all your documents together and safe or copied or held elsewhere do do eg both certificate. Passport, bank details. Try to put a bit if cash aside for yourself and build it up. Just don't underestimate emotion abuse. It is corrosive.It scars the soul. Be Strong. Baby steps first but take steps now.

Good for you reaching out. Get your life back.

He hasn't spoken to me all week because I dare to confront him regarding his behaviour.
I will be ignored until I apologise.

I am so sorry to hear how bad you feel. These abusive men make my blood boil.
Please speak to Women`s Aid, get advice and ask to do the Freedom Programme.
Also ask to be referred to a counsellor.
Go to your GP and tell them what is going on, get it on record.
Try to build up a little amount of money for yourself. Even one pound a week will build up over time.
Secretly find all of the financial information and try to make copies.
Get a free 30 minutes with a solicitor, to find out what you could be entitled to.
Phone 101 and ask to speak to the police domestic abuse team. The abuse does not have to be physical. Psychological abuse is now a crime.
Start a secret journal, putting in the date, time, what abusive incident occurred, how it made you feel.
Try your best to eat, sleep well, try to do a little exercise. If you can, go for a walk each day, to clear your mind. Try a walk in nature, through a park.
Reading, painting, having a bubble bath, watching a good film, helped me to escape the misery for a while. Colouring an adult colouring book, I found very calming, as I had a distraction.
Really sending you loads of strength. You are worth a great deal, do not let an inadequate bully, make you feel crap.
Keep posting, we are here for you and we care.

@Shunter350

My heart aches for you and the others who have to put up with this crap. Others here will give advice, but in the short term ( if you leave ) it will be tough. But later on in life you will be thankful you did. Take care of yourself, physically and mentally.. best wishes OP..

Thank you.

@GrowingSlowly

I am very sorry go hear you are in this situation. Well done speaking out. No one should endure this but it can be hard to move on so get support. If it is safe to do so call Women's Aid. You might be able to meet a support worker discreetly. If you can get all your documents together and safe or copied or held elsewhere do do eg both certificate. Passport, bank details. Try to put a bit if cash aside for yourself and build it up. Just don't underestimate emotion abuse. It is corrosive.It scars the soul. Be Strong. Baby steps first but take steps now.

Good for you reaching out. Get your life back.

Thanks

Assuming you don't have children, as that changes the complexion a little, not much mind..Personally I would be getting my ducks lined up, one by one, get yourself stronger and prep to leave. I think even small steps will give you a boost and every time he says something nasty, just think soon..very soon.

If i was you I would see if you can get yourself a part time job, even voluntary for now, to just get yourself out of the house and get a little space.

How long have you been married? You should also discretely see a solicitor to try and get an independent view of your situation, that way you will know financially where you stand before you move.

@Torres10

Assuming you don't have children, as that changes the complexion a little, not much mind..Personally I would be getting my ducks lined up, one by one, get yourself stronger and prep to leave. I think even small steps will give you a boost and every time he says something nasty, just think soon..very soon.

If i was you I would see if you can get yourself a part time job, even voluntary for now, to just get yourself out of the house and get a little space.

How long have you been married? You should also discretely see a solicitor to try and get an independent view of your situation, that way you will know financially where you stand before you move.

My children are adults - they know he is an arsehole but they never say anything to him (I don't know why ) . We have been married 30 years

Womens aid. You much life to live to have stopped living yet hun

@Torres10

Assuming you don't have children, as that changes the complexion a little, not much mind..Personally I would be getting my ducks lined up, one by one, get yourself stronger and prep to leave. I think even small steps will give you a boost and every time he says something nasty, just think soon..very soon.

If i was you I would see if you can get yourself a part time job, even voluntary for now, to just get yourself out of the house and get a little space.

How long have you been married? You should also discretely see a solicitor to try and get an independent view of your situation, that way you will know financially where you stand before you move.

Thank you it means a lot to me .

[quote Imperfectp3rf3ction]Womens aid. You much life to live to have stopped living yet hun

Cool, the kids are adults so you just need to focus on you now.
Find an advocate, find a solicitor, and get out..you can do it, you are worth it..you get one wild and precious life, go find it, there's nothing in your way, except yourself x