Hi there,
Just looking for some advice on my relationship and how to potentially split up in the most amicable way.
I love my partner and I believe he loves me but it's not working between us. We have been together now for two years but if we're completely honest we haven't been totally happy for the past year. It's felt very bumpy and I have doubted our compatibility but I've wanted to remain supportive and make it work. He says he desperately wants to make it work and that me and my daughter (from a previous relationship) mean everything to him.
The main issue is that we are like passing ships. It is not a close relationship and I actually feel like we are drifting apart due to his work ethics. He started a business last year despite it being the wrong time and he had to get into a substantial amount of debt to do so and he also has a full time job. It was his decision to start the business and he is trying to make a go of it. He is ambitious which is admirable but it is at the cost of spending any quality time with me or as a family. I'm finding it incredibly hard as I have wanted to be fully supportive and I think I have been but the fact of the matter is I feel like a single mum again. I don't feel like we're together on anything and we literally do not see each other. Only ever in passing. During the week he gets home from work and goes to bed very early and the at weekends he concentrates on his business. He works a full seven days a week. He is a builder so his work is physically demanding and he has put extra stress on himself with the business. Whenever he is home he's simply too tired to even stay up til 10 so that we have the chance to have some downtime together.
I have raised my feelings on numerous occasions now and he tends to get very defensive so we never get anywhere with it. I cannot go on staying in this relationship. I don't feel like I'm in a loving fulfilling relationship with someone at all. I feel lonely and more and more disconnected from him. When we have had discussions before surrounding this topic I always end up feeling like a selfish, ungrateful bitch who is unappreciative of his efforts for us as a family. It's not that at all and I really don't want him to feel like that but he just doesn't seem to see it or appreciate it from my point of view. He is very focused on the future and almost seems willing to forgoe having any quality time with us in the here and now. We've only been together for two years and whilst a focus on the future is important what about the here and now? Doesn't that matter? He just doesn't seem to get it and when I bring it up I always end up feeling like the bad guy.
I've had enough but I'm not sure how to take the next step. I can't bear the thought of hurting him. He does have somewhere he could move into but I think he's going to be distraught.
Am I being unreasonable or are my feelings justifiable?
Any advice is more than welcome!
Many thanks.