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Original poster

How available are you to your partner when you don't live together

17 replies

pinotprincess · 24/03/2022 17:57

.. by phone or even at weekends?
I've noticed that since mine has moved in with family( waiting on move to his own home) he isn't as available so instead of engaging in a spontaneous conversation by phone, he'll ring me back hours later as he may be in company of family.
I've realised that I'll always take the call, move into a different room and chat. We chat daily sometimes twice and text through the day.

OP posts:
Original poster
pinotprincess · 24/03/2022 17:59

I should say that I do that despite having family here too. They are not his kids by the way.. parents or siblings in his case so no immediate responsibilities.

OP posts:
layladomino · 24/03/2022 18:10

Somewhere in the middle. I wouldn't automatically take their call, say if I was mid discussion with someone else, or half way through a job I wanted to finish. If it's just daily chat then it can wait until it suits both of you.

But if he is regularly not taking your calls and leaving it hours to get back to you, then it might be that he's trying to slow things down a bit (or is there someone there who doesn't approve of your relationship, or who he hasn't told)?

Original poster
pinotprincess · 24/03/2022 18:14

Thanks@layladomino . No it's just family and he's just chatting. Clearly more interesting than me. Not a regular occurrence but I don't want it to become one either.
I wanted to discuss something with him and he said yeah of course we'll chat later about that.
I had the time. He knew that. Otherwise I'm busy. He isn't .

OP posts:
Original poster
pinotprincess · 24/03/2022 18:14

We normally chat at night I guess.

OP posts:
Original poster
pinotprincess · 24/03/2022 18:17

There's a bit of white knight complex going on wiith him and his family anyway as it goes.

OP posts:
layladomino · 24/03/2022 18:20

Oh I think that's not on if there was something specific you needed to discuss and he knew that.

Is he in other ways the same as ever with you?

Original poster
pinotprincess · 24/03/2022 18:23

He absolutely is but I think he has them on a pedestal. Fawning would be the word that comes to mind. They're accommodating and kind to him and I guess this may be a type of payback for him. Irritates me intensely as when he was on his own I took every call and listened to his tales of woe and various man flu symptoms so I'm peeved.
Time to head out for a walk have some wine and turn off my phone.

OP posts:
Bonniekat · 24/03/2022 18:24

Me and my boyfriend don’t live together and when we are apart, if we are at work we will send the odd message. In the evenings we will generally voice note each other on WhatsApp back and forth all night. If one of us is busy with football/gym/swimming we wouldn’t expect to hear from the other.

He has his parents staying with him tonight and I won’t expect to hear from him. When I’m in the company of others I don’t tend to look at my phone often, I give them my full attention, so I wouldn’t expect his attention when he has company

Original poster
pinotprincess · 24/03/2022 18:24

Thanks btw @layladomino . I needed to hear that

OP posts:
Original poster
pinotprincess · 24/03/2022 18:25

Thanks too@Bonniekat

OP posts:
layladomino · 24/03/2022 18:56

You're doing the right thing. You'll feel less resentful if you do other things. Then when you're together and have some time, have a chat about it.

NoNeedToWorryAboutAThing · 24/03/2022 19:07

You say you chat daily sometimes twice and text rhroughout the day. Do you honestly speak every day on the phone, sometimes twice??

That's an awful lot and would do my head in tbh.

My boyfriend and I don't live together. We spend all weekend together - Fri eve to Sun eve and one, maybe two, evenings in the week.

We are in sporadic contact during the day as work allows and sometimes don't message at all in the evening until bedtime to say goodnight. We never 'chat' on the phone.

If I'm with others, I never check my phone. I wouldn't take a call from anyone except my children if I'm in company and would call back when convenient.

My boyfriend would assume it was an emergency if I phoned him so would probably answer straightaway!

I like to have time to myself to do my own thing, hobbies, see friends... and he does too.

bathsh3ba · 24/03/2022 21:59

I don't live with my boyfriend. Every other week his son and his mum are with him. Our contact pattern changes when he has his son and I hear from him a bit less but he does make the effort to talk to and see me regularly. Even when he has his son I'd usually get a good morning and goodnight text and a few messages during the work day, then a couple when his son is in bed. We don't tend to talk on the phone much but we see each other most weekends and once during the week on the week he doesn't have his son. I'm happy with the contact level because I feel he makes the effort.

Fuzzyhippo · 25/03/2022 20:23

Been together 7 years and don't live together. I don't even bother trying to call him or text him as I know he won't reply until past 9pm. Even if I text him then he says he likes his space and peace and quiet away from me texting every day. I do wish I was less available though

Musttryharder2021 · 26/03/2022 05:58

@NoNeedToWorryAboutAThing

You say you chat daily sometimes twice and text rhroughout the day. Do you honestly speak every day on the phone, sometimes twice??

That's an awful lot and would do my head in tbh.

My boyfriend and I don't live together. We spend all weekend together - Fri eve to Sun eve and one, maybe two, evenings in the week.

We are in sporadic contact during the day as work allows and sometimes don't message at all in the evening until bedtime to say goodnight. We never 'chat' on the phone.

If I'm with others, I never check my phone. I wouldn't take a call from anyone except my children if I'm in company and would call back when convenient.

My boyfriend would assume it was an emergency if I phoned him so would probably answer straightaway!

I like to have time to myself to do my own thing, hobbies, see friends... and he does too.

You have children, even though they sound older and more independent, you have them as another commitment. And it sounds like you're see friends a lot. Some people just don't have many other real 'human' commitments so end up becoming more 'available' to their boyfriends.
CthulhuInDisguise · 26/03/2022 06:08

I don't live with (or near) my boyfriend. We are both available to each other whenever, apart from if we are in meetings during the day time for work. He's never ignored a call from me, and I've never ignored one from him. Even when I was in the US on holiday we made the time zone difference work. We speak by phone/video call at least once a day, and by text throughout.

PinotPony · 28/03/2022 21:31

I don't live with DP. He's two hours away.

We message a bit during the day but rarely call each other.... perhaps once a week if that... We're both busy doing our own thing. It means that when we do see each other we have lots to talk about!

I honestly wouldn't be worried in your scenario but, if it bothers you so much, tell him.

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