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Original poster

Mourning and a Funeral

46 replies

JenBee24 · 24/03/2022 14:19

My father passed away a few days ago and my sister is flying in from Canada with her family to attend the funeral. She has a 3 year old and a 4 month old. She wants to bring them to the funeral because she says everyone she would trust to babysit will be at the funeral and she doesn't want to leave her 3 year old with someone he hasn't spent much time with. I'm there to mourn my father and don't want the kids getting fussy and my sister getting stressed because they're fussy and then me having to help her look after them. My kids (5 and 7) will not be going and I don't think hers should either. She was quite upset and I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable. Any opinions?

OP posts:
HellToTheNope · 24/03/2022 15:55

You're being totally unreasonable and creating problems that don't even exist yet.

namechange30455 · 24/03/2022 15:59

Where are the children's father's?

Will your DH be looking after your kids or will they be at school?

Does your sis have a partner/is the kids dad involved if they're not together?

YABU though, just because you've decided your kids won't go there's no reason she can't make a different choice.

girlmom21 · 24/03/2022 16:07

YABU. She's flying in from Canada and has nobody to look after her children. The alternative is that she doesn't get to attend the funeral or she has the added stress of worrying about whether her children are ok with strangers.

She has as much right to be there as you and she needs her children to be there too. You can mourn with children in the room.

I am sorry for your loss Thanks

LadyT27 · 24/03/2022 16:12

I'm so sorry for your loss, I have recently lost my mum so understand how devastated you must be right now.

I do think though that YUBU. Your sister should be able to decide without anyone's option, if she wants her children to be there or not. The same that you have the right to decide if your children should be there, which is your choice. If I were in your sisters shoes, I would be very upset with you.

Petsop · 24/03/2022 16:15

YABU sorry

Volterra · 24/03/2022 16:21

I’m really sorry for your loss 💐

I lost my Dad recently and it is a very difficult time. We had a few children at the funeral. I think they were sitting at the back ready to go out if they kicked off which worked well. It’s all a bit blurry so not sure but whatever happened worked well.

Dsisproblem · 24/03/2022 16:28

Sorry for your loss. I think you are being a bit unreasonable. She can't leave her kids with any old person. I've taken similar aged kids to a funeral before and it was fine.

Gilly12345 · 24/03/2022 16:32

Your Sister is right she doesn’t have anyone to help with childcare.

Hopefully she has a partner and they have a child each to care for at the funeral?

There’s nothing much you can do sorry.

CrazyRatLover · 24/03/2022 16:40

I'm sorry for your loss. You're being unfair, it's very difficult for her and I can understand her not wanting to leave them.

Also, do you children want to go? If so, I think they should. It's their grandfather and could help them.

comfortablyfrumpy · 24/03/2022 16:43

I am sorry for your loss.

I can see your sister's point.

I took my 6 month old (in a sling) to a family funeral and my then 3 year old also went to a funeral (her friend's mother had died). They were absolutely fine.

It's a personal choice. Some people will want their young children with them, others won't. Neither of you is right or wrong IMO but you're both grieving, so you're bound to be extra sensitive right now.

I hope all goes well.

SunflowerTed · 24/03/2022 16:48

@JenBee24

My father passed away a few days ago and my sister is flying in from Canada with her family to attend the funeral. She has a 3 year old and a 4 month old. She wants to bring them to the funeral because she says everyone she would trust to babysit will be at the funeral and she doesn't want to leave her 3 year old with someone he hasn't spent much time with. I'm there to mourn my father and don't want the kids getting fussy and my sister getting stressed because they're fussy and then me having to help her look after them. My kids (5 and 7) will not be going and I don't think hers should either. She was quite upset and I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable. Any opinions?
Let the person who u is a babysitting yours babysit hers too
girlmom21 · 24/03/2022 16:49

@SunflowerTed did you miss the bit where she doesn't want to leave the 3 year old with someone they hardly know?

Original poster
JenBee24 · 24/03/2022 17:37

Thank you for your opinions. I can see the other side now. And yes, BIL is coming so he can help with the kids.

OP posts:
LosingTheWill2022 · 24/03/2022 17:42

@JenBee24

Thank you for your opinions. I can see the other side now. And yes, BIL is coming so he can help with the kids.
What a lovely response. Flowers I wish you all well for the service and the precious time with your sisters and family over here.
gogohm · 24/03/2022 17:50

@JenBee24

What we always recommend for families with children who are very close to the deceased, is that they sit on outside of the row (assuming there's a side aisle) to they can slip out without making a fuss, means they can still be at the front as close family but bil in your case can take the children out if they need to. We provide colour a5 sheets (not too big) colouring pencils and a few quiet toys at my church for families, not everyone does though so I suggest to help your sister have a zip lock bag with a few things in to keep the older child entertained, hopefully the younger will sleep through.

As sad as it is, funerals can be a time to connect with wider family, certainly my experience personally and professionally.

SeasonFinale · 24/03/2022 17:53

Sorry for your loss but YABU.

PollyIndia · 24/03/2022 18:26

My mum died 2 weeks ago and my son will be going to the funeral. I think it’s important for him to be there and see that death is a part of life. I have to say, I think YABU in terms of your sister’s kids, though of course you and your kids can make whatever decision suit you re them going.
I am sorry for your loss. It really sucks, doesn’t it.

ZenNudist · 24/03/2022 18:35

YABU your dsis is entitled to bring your df dgc to the funeral!

I'm not personally a fan of taking young dc to funerals. But only because its upsetting for them.

LosingTheWill2022 · 24/03/2022 19:15

Why don't posters at least read all the OP's posts before commenting?
She's graciously come back and explained that she now sees her sister's point of view and is well.

LosingTheWill2022 · 24/03/2022 19:15

I meant all is well

waterrat · 24/03/2022 20:06

Her children are really young and they are a long way from home. I think you are being unfair.

Try not to let something like this make thr day harder. Why does it matter if she attends to the children or has yo look after them ? It's part of life ..she doesn't need to mourn in a strict totally focused way in order for it to be mourning. See it as a family way of saying goodbye.

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