It’s okay for relationships to become comfortable, right?

[lemonaderose]

I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months. I suffer with anxiety and always think too much about how things used to be etc.

When we met it was massive paragraph texts, hours of phone calls, really enjoying getting to know each other. It was incredible and he was very expressive about how he felt.

I’d say nowadays we are very similar in most respects. He makes sure I know how he feels, although maybe not as much, it’s more about us just having fun, enjoying each other’s company and talking about fun things and normal conversation.

Now I know this is completely normal and the honeymoon stage dies down. But I seem to see old messages and get upset. It’s hard because he’s definitely still loving and we still love talking to each other, it’s just not as explicitly stated anymore.

I even said this to my boyfriend and he said “I understand and it’s all a part of us and how we got together in the first place, remember we were getting to know each other, those messages still happen from time to time but it’s all about enjoying each other”

I’m being really silly aren’t I? How do I settle into a more comfortable relationship where things don’t need to be said so explicitly anymore?

I was thinking the same, our texts are very boring mundane stuff. Never any sexy pics or naughty chat, but then I guess it was all part of the flirty beginning exciting stage, which we are through now. Only thinking it because after it seeing him because I have been isolating, I thought it might return a little. As long as you’re still living towards each other by text, I’d hate to lose that.

For me it sort of depends on how big the difference is. I like written communication, I express my feelings quite easily that way and really enjoy the same in return. However, reams and reams of love notes is most not sustainable long term.

This bit stood out to me though -
“I’d say nowadays we are very similar in most respects. He makes sure I know how he feels, although maybe not as much, it’s more about us just having fun, enjoying each other’s company and talking about fun things and normal conversation.”

Do you mean by that that you don’t have deeper conversations any more and that he is not as expressive about how he feels? I’d find that quite hard tbh.

Completely understand you!
In person it’s all wonderful. I suppose with texting we still are quite flirty and funny but it’s just silly stuff I worry about. For example if I make a funny joke he would’ve been like “omg 😂😂 your humour is just perfect you are perfect” at the start, whereas now it’s “hahaha”.
I know it’s normal and I feel pathetic, so how do I get past the feeling?

Sounds fine to me. Not sure how you would get over feeling bothered by it, but yeah. Normal and sounds like you're still both into each other.

Yeah I think that's quite normal. It's the difference between being newly dating and a more established couple. It wouldn't be sustainable to be forever in a state of amazement that the other person is with you. The flip side of the initial rush is trust, really knowing each other, warts and all, and still wanting to stick around.

That said, I wouldn't want to lose the romance, the 'I love you's', or to start taking each other for granted. There should still be a strong element of that I think or else it can be a slippery slope. Of course that goes both ways.