What to do?!

[mehwhatislife]

I've been married to my husband almost 4 years, been together for 8. The first 6 months were amazing but then arguments started and well things never really improved. There was a phase prior to us becoming engaged where he was just an absolute d*head, he accepts that. Although I won't forget that phase I'm glad he accepts he was wrong. Anyway fast forward to now I feel like he just always wants to start an argument over the smallest things. If I were to start the argument over the things he does he would for sure call me petty. I've become good friends with a colleague and we have quite a bit in common, I love talking to him and I think I may have feelings for him. I feel like whenever things are sour between me and my husband it makes me want to talk to said colleague more! Maybe it's just out of spite? I just don't know what to do!

Are you having an emotional affair?

It sounds to me as if you are trying to find elsewhere what's missing in your relationship with your husband. It doesn't sound like you have a very good relationship if you are arguing all the time. Why did your marry him?

@GrazingSheep

Are you having an emotional affair?

I don't think so? This colleague definitely just sees me as a colleague and nothing else. Not sure how happy I am about that in all honesty

@TooManyPJs

It sounds to me as if you are trying to find elsewhere what's missing in your relationship with your husband. It doesn't sound like you have a very good relationship if you are arguing all the time. Why did your marry him?

Because I love him, he's my best friend. When things are great, it's amazing and I don't even think about said colleague

Am I bad person for feeling like this?

You're not a bad person, but you realise you're on shaky ground, here?

@RobertSmithsLipstick

You're not a bad person, but you realise you're on shaky ground, here?

I do, I feel so bad for thinking what it would be like if I was with my colleague instead. Think about him way more than I should.

So instead of addressing any issues in your marriage and working on it or leaving if really not happy you choose to fantasise about a colleague and just how perfect he is compared to your OH?

Wake up woman, you are feeling critical towards your OH BECAUSE of an attraction to another. The start of a cheater's script...to rewrite marital history.

Have you known this colleague for as long as your husband? Is he married too? Just give yourself a shake before it all goes too far.

Don't even go there

Forget the colleague. He's an unhelpful red herring. Not an option, not as great as you're thinking through a romantic lens, and you're MARRIED.

You mentioned that your DH was a dickhead before you got engaged, but you must have forgiven and moved on from that as you agreed to get married. So why do you mention that now? Why are you still holding that against him? Is it because he's acting similarly dick-y now? Or are you looking for bad stuff he's done to help explain why you are developing feelings towards your colleague?

Try to look at your relationship with DH and how it is now. You say he's your best friend, so talk to him. Tell him it feels like he's always trying to pick an arguement. Ask him if he's truly happy with you. See if you can work together to get your marriage back on track. You say you love him, he's your best friend and when things are good they are amazing. That would be a lot to give up without trying.