I made MIL cry - again

[NAB3wishesfor2008]

FIL rang yesterday and said DS1 tried to push MIL down the stairs. I fretted about this all night and Dh and I decided he would go and get the kids at 9.30 instead of 2pm today. DH comes home and says that MIL says DS1 was messing about on the stairs and that was all. I rang her at 5 and she said DS1 was messing about on the stairs and she lost her balance. I told her to tell Dad thanks a lot as i have been worrying all day about DS's behaviour. They had clearly had a bit of a time with him.

I told her I was happy for her to tell me what I should do but she said she can't because she is not me and she, I and FIL all do things differently. Why can't she give advice? She clearly feels I do it all wrong as I don't do it her way, and I know I am making tonnes of mistakes, but I am finding it bloody hard. I know the reasons for this but it isn't something I can deal with right now.

I have a really, shall we say, challenging dd(6), and a MIL who contributed to this in earlier years (as did other family members) and they are all very sad now that we have all of us created this monster (whom we love dearly).
I don't know the full details of your situation, but clearly your DS1 is lucky enough to have involved GPs and is being brought up as part of an extended family.
I have found it helpful to talk about our situation in a group setting and take suggestions/advice on what all of us do about the problems from everyone, in a very non-confrontational way. Also make clear what DP and I think/are doing/might do to help things, and how sad we are that we are all having to deal with this.
Remember to look at it the other way too - if MIL was constantly harping on about your childrearing skills (or lack of), you might be feeling even worse.

Oh, tis clear she thinks I am doing it wrong.

that is awful. Very mean of FIL to ring and say DS tried to push MIL downstairs, and let you worry about it. If they are struggling, then they should adopt strategies that you have at home, so there is continuity when he is with them.

Which of course I know I am but I am struggling

I am furious as he wanted to come home and she said we were busy and would have to wait.

Her reason was if she had rung us to take him home he would have got his oen way.

He wanted to come home because she told him off.