How soon is too soon to allow DC to spend time with new partner?

[Scottsie292]

I'm not quite brave enough for AIBU but I would appreciate people's genuine thoughts ok this especially those who have been through divorce.

ExH and I separated 3 years ago. I've had one serious relationship since then, we moved in together but sadly it didn't work out. I've lost all perspective of whats a sensible amount of time

DC are 13 and 10. I've been with my new partner for 5 months. They've met him but I'm reluctant to start spending weekends etc together. Am I being over cautious?

Just to clarify, I spend weekends with my new partner while the DC are at their dad's but I'm reluctant to see DP when it's my weekend with the DC.

Under these circumstances I would wait 18 months.

You have been separated 3 years.
Have already moved in with another long term partner and then it didn’t work and now you have another partner who you want to spend weekends with - all too much too soon OP I’m sorry.

I’m with @WheresZazu here.

6 months to a year I'd say, much longer before living together -at least 2 years.

I think you have the right approach to this. Ultimately the length of time you decide to wait is up to you and a personal choice. But you are absolutely right to take things slowly and proceed with caution

It's a tough one. Me and my ex have a 4-6 month general rule in place, although he's tried to rescind on that and push it to 3 months. My DS is 5, and I'd prefer to wait longer to be honest (6+) but I know ex DP won't be willing to do that.

Ex DP's new girlfriend introduced her kids after 2/3 weeks and had him over her house with her kids sleeping upstairs on date 3. So it's a really big spectrum.

Personally, I would wait a little longer before spending weekends that you have with your DC with your boyfriend, perhaps more like 6-8 months, but not the whole weekend, maybe just an outing with him over in the evening. That way you are still spending one on one time with the kids around that.

My ex moved in a new partner before his kids even met her (not my kids luckily lol). He even introduced me to his after we’d been dating a week, in hindsight it was much too early. I honestly think at least 3-6 months before introducing for the first time and at least 18 months before moving in. But there is no hard and fast rule.

This is MN, people will expect you to wait years.

I'd say after 5 months there's nothing wrong with spending some time together at weekends - don't necessarily have to spend the whole weekend, maybe just a few hours for dinner or something. Ease into it slowly and let everyone get to know each other over time.

Meant to add, but from what you've said it sounds like you don't want to and that is also fine - keep things separate for now if you want. Is your DP asking you to?

I'm struggling with the timeline on this. How has it only been 3 years since you broke up, already moved another partner in and broke up with them, and are now 5 months down the line with another partner and thinking about them meeting your kids? I mean, well done for checking but if anything you've been too cavalier rather than too cautious. Hold off for at least another year.

I think given a partner has already lived with you and it didn't work. I would be Inclined to give it about a year.

My kids met my dp the same day I did at a friend's bbq. We started dating about 6 months late and I waited another 6 months before telling them. However, they did spend time with him like they did begone we dated as we spend alot of time with that friend and she is related to dp.

I only caution waiting, because my ex moved a girlfriend in and it didn't work. He introduced the next one and then the next one. Dd18 now doesn't bother with her dad at all, this is one of the mains reasons. Ds11 refused to meet anymore at all.

You dont want to keep introducing them to new partners. Many kids don't like that.