Debt & transparency

[HazelIvy]

Morning,
For those that cohabit but don't have joint bank accounts, I was wondering if I could get some advice/perspective.
I've noticed my partner has been getting a lot of correspondence from banks recently and I know it's for late/missed credit card repayments. I know this because I've pieced together the ripped up letters out of the bin. Sorry, but I got suspicious when I noticed he didn't open his mail in front of me.
I want to know why this is happening- but im hesitant to demand to see his bank statements- I think that'll be damaging to my relationship- but I really need to know where the money is going.
Being silent is eating me up. Any advice?

How long have you been together? Do you live together?

He doesn't have to show you bank statements. Ask him if he has any debt. He'll either tell you the truth, and then you can talk about it, or he'll lie, and then you leave.

If he asks why you're asking, tell him you had a feeling he was struggling with something and thought it might be that.

The fact that you're asking here because you feel you can't approach him, and the fact that you feel approaching him means him having to show you proof doesn't bode well, though. What do you normally do when you have a tricky or awkward question to ask him? Clearly you don't trust him, or you wouldn't be going through his waste paper.

Financial problems are really hard to talk about. If you want transparency ask him, but there's a lot of shame around it. You're the only one who knows if this is a deal-breaker or not.

We've been together 6 years, and yes we live together. I know he has some debt- but apparently has been paying off. I suppose I'm scared to know why he's suddenly been missing his repayments.

There could be a million of reasons, but ultimately he's probably living beyond his means.

You need to talk to him.

DP and I discuss anything that might get us into debt even though our finances are completely separate because ultimately it impacts our family.