New relationship advice

[relationship2022]

NC for this thread
So I haven't dated for a LONG time and I'm a bit crap at it because I'm terrified of getting hurt
Met someone and he's lovely but I'm not sure how to.. progress/read him?

He said he didn't want a quick shag but wasn't sure he was relationship ready (he's self conscious about his weight). We have met maybe 10 times so far and get on so well. Usually I like my alone time but I find him very comfortable to be with
He's not love bombing but really thoughtful - I had a bad day and he sent flowers, we were talking about cakes and he remembered my favourite and brought me a piece

He's been pretty vocal about how much he likes me (he looks at me like I'm the hottest woman on earth) and that he wants to spend time with me and isn't seeing anyone else and planning a (his words) "date day". I'm just one of those people that likes to put things in boxes and not quite sure if I'm meant to go with the flow or..?
God I'm crap at this

If it helps he's 9 years younger than me and has a 5yo, I don't have children

Don't let him keep you in limbo, is not sure good enough for you? Do you have the time for a man that isn't sure enough to be in a relationship with you. Could be his way of dragging it out casually as possible because he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, men find women attractive but that doesn't mean they want to settle.
Don't always be available to him if he can't offer you what you want, keep your options open and don't assume he will eventually want a relationship, a man that doesn't want to risk losing you will commit but not if you agree to go along with this casual basis with him.
You risk losing him by having stronger boundaries and settling your own bar high but why settle for less than what you want.

I think the reason I'm hesitating is I've done this before, got the wrong end of the stick and fucked things up because I've put 2+2 together and got 100

I know I don't "know" him totally yet but I'm very cautious and what I've seen is a genuine guy but he said he worries he can't bring stuff to a relationship as he rents and he isn't attractive because of his weight etc
I think he had this vision of him being 5 stone lighter with a mortgage and great job and able to offer more? We chatted a lot as friends before it went further and he fully admits he puts walls up because women have been shitty to him over his weight before (I also have walls so get that)

Right, so if you fancy him regardless of the extra pounds, it's about time you let him know. Nobody meets 10 times with a person they don't like, so it's pretty much a given. He's clearly insecure, so are you, but one of you should bite the bullet. What's holding you back ?- I'd more likely have trouble resisting, but maybe neither of you would find anyone irresistible as you've both got the fear - getting hurt is part of the risk, it happens, its part of life, then you move on.
If you are a person who puts people on a pedestal and makes them your world, yes it will hurt more, so don't be like that, it's an unhealthy way to be anyway. Men should enhance your life, not be your life.

Why are you letting him determine what this is?

He's not relationship ready but meeting with you? Why?!

@Opentooffers

Right, so if you fancy him regardless of the extra pounds, it's about time you let him know. Nobody meets 10 times with a person they don't like, so it's pretty much a given. He's clearly insecure, so are you, but one of you should bite the bullet. What's holding you back ?- I'd more likely have trouble resisting, but maybe neither of you would find anyone irresistible as you've both got the fear - getting hurt is part of the risk, it happens, its part of life, then you move on. If you are a person who puts people on a pedestal and makes them your world, yes it will hurt more, so don't be like that, it's an unhealthy way to be anyway. Men should enhance your life, not be your life.

I've made it pretty clear (I think!) that I like him. He messages me most days whether it's a text or a pic of something that made him laugh or "saw this and thought of you"

For me it's not pedestal - I've been single for years so in no way do I need a man for anything live alone and very independent, it's that I e been REALLY hurt before and thought this isn't worth it, put some walls up and stopped dating
This guy made me laugh which is why I agreed as he isn't my type. I figured my type are usually wankers so worth a go

Texts copied from him (we were talking about Snapchat/IG filters)

Honestly, I get to experience you, and that's fucking amazing, seeing you in person and even just having a chat, that's so much better
I say all this, be big and strong then you just look at me I'm all like.....well I tried

@BridgesofMadisonfan

Why are you letting him determine what this is?

He's not relationship ready but meeting with you? Why?!

Because I enjoy spending time with him, even just as a friend. He is genuinely someone I would just go to the cinema with or for a walk or text to moan about a bad day If that's all it is then I'm happy to go with that

He's not stopping me meeting someone else because genuinely I don't date. He just kind of fell into my lap as someone I wanted to spend time with. Whether that's romantically or not

If you accept the fact he isn't 'relationship ready' but would still like him as a friend, then you could talk to him about it and just be friends. In time a relationship may develop, but in the meantime you know where you stand.

It isn't your job to get him relationship ready - only he can do that.