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Original poster

Odd behaviour from my friend who is a guy.

27 replies

Claddinghell · 22/03/2022 20:22

My best friend is a guy. Been close for a few years. We did date years ago, but now friends. Both single at the moment. Have met previous partners in tye past and all was great. However over last few months he is acting strange.

Has faked proposed 4 times. Once as I was saying my dad is elderly and he would love to walk me down the aisle and a few other times when we both have been complaining about cost of living. Also hinted that our animals would happily live together if we were to move in together.

Now invites me out with his teenager lots - he lives with him now. Previously kept kids separate, more a passing hello.

Started to become really interested in my dating life. Asking lots of questions and always asking if I have been out on dates. He is private about his dating life.

Suddenly telling me I am his most loyal friend. If he dates anyone who has a problem with our friendship he will end it. Said he had ended it with one girl who didn’t like me. I thought she was lovely when I met her.

So why has his attitude changed? Or I am reading too much into it?

OP posts:
HereticFanjo · 22/03/2022 20:28

He's clearly into you. Are you into him?

layladomino · 22/03/2022 20:40

It sounds like he's into you. I think the passivity and hint-dropping is a bit annoying though. Is he expecting you to do the running?

milcal · 22/03/2022 20:41

He sees a future with you

Doyoumind · 22/03/2022 20:46

Clearly he wants more than friendship. If that's not what you want then unfortunately the friendship isn't going to work out and you need to distance yourself.

Original poster
Claddinghell · 22/03/2022 21:04

@HereticFanjo I think so. We do work well together

@layladomino both been hurt in past. And in a way both hurt each other years ago. Both said we would never chase anyone again.

Both really close. But we are in that stage of life that we are only people we know who are single. If we make a move then is make or break

OP posts:
layladomino · 22/03/2022 21:08

It's a tricky one. If you like him and think this could be a lasting relationship, then maybe point out to him that he's always hinting about you two being together, and is that what he wants?

Nobodycarestakeitelsewhere · 22/03/2022 21:09

I think it's pretty clear what's on his mind tbh!

picklemewalnuts · 22/03/2022 21:11

Honestly I think he's being lazy. He's settling. He's reached a point where dating isn't working, looked around and realised there you are. Handy.

Original poster
Claddinghell · 22/03/2022 22:14

@Nobodycarestakeitelsewhere I would of thought so too. But he went through a phase of telling me how valued a friend I am to him. It sounded like a friend talk - putting me in my place.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 22/03/2022 22:32

If he's interested, then he's giving mixed messages rather than communicating with you in a way you 'get'. That's your communication style, the two of you.

If you want that full time, then consider him for a relationship.

Otherwise, make comments to him about how valuable a friend he is, to make it clear you're not interested.

DatingDinosaur · 22/03/2022 23:01

Oh he’s definitely putting feelers out to see whether or not you recoil in horror at the thought of being married / living together, etc.

He’s trying to gauge whether or not you see him as anything more than “just a friend” and I’ll put money on it that if you feel the same way and give him some clues he’ll make a move. If you don’t he’ll just pretend it was all idle talk and musings.

The question is, how do you feel about him? Do you like him? And if so, has that interest materialised since you picked up on his hints? Or was it lurking in a file named “probably never gonna happen so just don’t think about it”?

iwishu · 22/03/2022 23:10

I think if he seriously wanted to be with you he would of made it known, I think this guy is a bit of a game player, enjoys keeping women wondering, probably talking about you a lot to whoever he's seeing and annoys them and to you, giving you snippets that he's interested but not fully revealing how he feels because you could be an option while he still looks and dates others, if that doesn't work out, maybe you'll do after all.

Dontbeme · 23/03/2022 01:42

Now invites me out with his teenager lots - he lives with him now. Previously kept kids separate, more a passing hello.

Started to become really interested in my dating life. Asking lots of questions and always asking if I have been out on dates. He is private about his dating life.

Cynical me says he sees you as handy entertainment/wife work for the teenager. He is private about his dating as someone is in the background but its early days and doesnt want to frighten her off with a teen in tow so you come in handy. If he was interested I think he would be straight forward letting you know in your circumstances.

HellToTheNope · 23/03/2022 02:14

He's in love with you, or thinks he is, dummy. Do you need a royal proclamation to figure this out?

Original poster
Claddinghell · 23/03/2022 08:08

@DatingDinosaur think I have filed it away. I might be try and propose to him. 😂 just don’t want to bring it out now as we have a great friendship

@Dontbeme he never comes out and says it. Only if I ask. None of his dates has worked out. Did t think I am an option. I never do anything wifey for him or his kid. He always cooks and tidies up when I am over.

@HellToTheNope think I do as he is such a great friend

OP posts:
3leafclover · 23/03/2022 08:16

Do you fancy him?

3leafclover · 23/03/2022 08:18

And why did it end, last time round?

girlmom21 · 23/03/2022 08:20

Do you think he's fed up of dating and has realised maybe the obvious answer is to marry your best friend who you know better and love more than anyone else?

Original poster
Claddinghell · 23/03/2022 08:24

@3leafclover I do. A guy I had been dating stayed over this weekend. Was cuddling next to him and thought you are not my friend. Ended as we lived a distance away at that time. Few life things going in for both. Just faded out really. But honestly I don’t think we got to know each other as well as now.

@girlmom21 you might be right. We both actively date and it goes nowhere. Looking for similar things in hobbies. Randomly we both have dated others recently that are similar looking to each other.

OP posts:
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 23/03/2022 08:36

Sally, you really need to sit down with Harry and have a proper discussion about this.

99pronouns · 23/03/2022 09:12

*Is he doing that thing where you are each other's back-up plan?

I have that with my current FWB.*

He jokes or mentions about us living together/marrying/grow old together so we can look after each other (me look after him!) and so I can have his healthy pension (I don't have one) if he dies first.*
It's his way of day-dreaming that our relationship is something that it's not. We dated at first but realised we wanted different things so became FWB.
We both still date occasionally, but it's tough and disappointing and I personally can't see myself finding anyone I'd ever fall in love with (although I'd love that).
So me and my FWB fake a relationship and it's very easy because there's no expectation.
However it's convenient and lovely, it's not the same as a real relationship where your heart is in it.*

Sorry about the bold fail!

Original poster
Claddinghell · 23/03/2022 10:54

@99pronouns I am not sure if we are back up plans. We both want to fall in love with someone. As a friend I love him. When we dated years ago I was starting to fall in love then life got in the way.

We always come back to each other. We haven’t hooked up in over a year so it’s more friend vibe. Without going into specifics I supported him through a life changing event over the last year. He is now recovering and I wouldn’t of mentioned anything then and it didn’t cross my mind. It was more support. This is when we got to know each other better than when we were dating - both being vulnerable. I think we were trying to keep out best sides on show dating.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 23/03/2022 11:18

Have these comments started since this life changing incident? Reckon he's realised his own mortality?

99pronouns · 23/03/2022 11:24

Well if you want to be with him in a relationship - then ask.

If you want to just be friends, then do nothing, just make sure you don't muddy the waters by having sex with him and keep dating other people if you are looking for a romantic relationship.

I do think as men get older they want a nursemaid because they realise they start thinking of the future and living alone. He health scare may have prompted these worries too.

I wouldn't want to be someone back-up plan, and I've got some time on my hands before I have to do this (and I'm financially independent which is a major factor), but everyone is different and in lots of ways it makes sense to couple up for your latter years.

HumptySumptious · 23/03/2022 11:39

OK, just ask him already.