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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Hes an alcoholic

29 replies

Jumpinginwithbothfeet · 22/03/2022 13:47

Have been seeing someone for 6 months. He told me at the beginning he had had problems with alcohol in the past but dealt with them. In the 6 months we've been together he's had 2 relapses, drinking alone to the point of passing out. The first time I could kind of understand there'd been a huge disappointment and he struggled to cope. This time there doesn't seem to be a reason, we have been having the best time together. Fully loved up, fun, amazing.
I don't know what to do. I've fallen for him hard and he's kind, caring, intelligent everything I need, apart from this. Is this always going to be an issue? I'm not sure how to deal with it or whether I should try. I dont know what to do. Has anyone been in the same situation?

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 22/03/2022 20:55

@Thingsdogetbetter

Hope is the worse thing you can have in a relationship. 'I hope he'll change' is a futile, passive and self-destructive way to think.

He's on his absolute best behaviour at the moment in the honeymoon period and he has still managed to 'relapse' twice. He hates himself for it, but still can't stop himself. As the buzz of being in a new relationship wears off and he gets more secure that you're hooked, those relapses will get closer and closer together. The hating himself in-between will get stronger and stronger. And no one who hates themselves makes a good partner. He'll need someone to blame and guess who that will be.......

This.
MCLQC · 22/03/2022 21:05

Yes I have been with someone like that and I went from light drinking to heavy drinking on the back of it. Run!

layladomino · 22/03/2022 21:25

This is him at his best. Unless he is willing to get some serious help and to stick at it, then he won't be able to quit. And if an addict can't quit they get worse. By which time you're in deeper and find it harder to leave, your life is entwined and they are making you miserable every day. If you have children they are affected, and will possibly always be, by their parents' addiction. They might even be put at risk because of it (eg drink driving or not being properly supervised).

Right now, this probably all sounds far-fetched and exagerated, but it could well be your reality if you stay together.

I wouldn't get involved with someone who I knew to have an addiction.

Walkingalot · 22/03/2022 21:31

Six months and he's relapsed twice, doesn't bode well and you know it.
He can be all sorts of wonderful and you can both love each other but it won't be enough to combat this. Also, at six months, you barely know the real him, not enough to stake your future on him. Walk away. I'd even say this without the 2 relapses.

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