Can a relationship work between a single parent and a man who has no kids?

[Iseethelight0]

Just wondering what the likely scenario be in this case?
I've met someone from OLD - things have gone very well and both keen to progress, however I have one reluctance.
I am a single parent to a 3.5 year old and I'm very happy with that, she has little involvement in her life from her father and I am not after another father figure to her. I also do not want any more children. I was very clear with that from the offset with said online date.
I'm just wondering if he will end up resentful. He's early 40s, and if I'm honest - the person I have got to know so far, I think he would make such a lovely father, however I have been very clear.
Am I robbing him of a chance to be a father? He said he's fine with it, but I also feel like I am creating a disservice to him.
Just wondering if I'm in for problems ahead.

Really interesting post Op

I'm single mother by choice (donor conceived child) and am currently dating an ex partner (met online but broke up a few years ago due to being at different life stages). I would like another child hit may not be able to conceive due to my age but he knows this and appears to be happy that it's just us 'two'. We have shared history so it's not like meeting a brand new person.

If your boyfriend wanted a child desperately he'd be dating someone who wants a child. You aren't robbing him off the parenthood experience however he may change his mind about that (as we all do about all sorts of things!). We can't control everything, can we? You've been honest anr that's the best you can do.

How do you manage childcare if you don't mind me asking? I have no support so my son is with us all the time (he's very young!) unless he goes to the childminder's.

I work full time and my daughter goes to Nursery full time, it is very long days for us both, but I try and find reassurance from the fact she enjoys Nursery so much and it is very much a happy place for her. It will also prepare her for school next year.
With regards to any emergency or evening childcare, I'm very blessed to have two sets of very lovely next door neighbours who would always help me with anything I ever need.
It is hard though to date as a single parent.

I was in a similar situation OP.
Started dating someone a few years ago when my DD was 5, who didn’t have children.
In his case, he hadn’t particularly wanted them (despite being the sort of person who is amazing with kids)
Our relationship went from strength strength, my DD loved him, he loved her, and several years later, we’re now married and couldn’t be happier. He is an excellent stepdad to DD.
So yes, it can work 👍

I met my DP when my DC were 3 and 5. He didn't have his own DC and didn't want any, i was nervous about dating someone who wasn't a parent but it's worked out so far. Have to say it was hard introducing a man in his 40s without DC to family life - he really wasn't aware of how full on it is, all the time. Years later we now have one of our own as well (a big surprise) and blending this new family has also brought its challenges. Overall though I am now relieved that we don't also have other DC added to the mix.

My children are older 2 primary, one secondary and I share them with my ex 50/50.

My boyfriend is 50 and had a vasectomy 6 weeks after we met ( he had been planning on it before we met but hadn't got around to it).

Our biggest issues are getting him used to family life. He has always travelled a lot for work and has led, fundamentally a selfish life. Also he is not used to the noise/ chaos. However, he is determined that he has never been happier. We have taken it slowly and will not move in together until the two year mark. He met them after 6 months and has had 6 sleepovers, plus days out, dinners here in the following 6 months.

My children like him and show him affection which really touches him and he is genuinely fond of them.

I think if you both want to progress just keep the conversation flowing and the honesty. Even when it is a tough topic ( noise in the car was ours).

I'm sure it can do but even if you're not after a new father figure and he doesn't really want children then the reality is heif the relationship progresses he will be a father figure and will become 'dad'. Otherwise he's just mummy's friend and theirs no pont in you moving in together.

Yep, big success story right here! Met my partner (no kids) when my kids were 3 & 7, almost 4 years ago. He was never desperate to have his own kids with his ex, but was a teacher for years so loves kids and is fantastic with them. He genuinely loves them like his own & considers them ahead of everything, plans for their future, helps them with homework, shares his hobbies & interests with them, and is (their own dad being a bit useless) to all intents and purposes their dad. Plus the love of my life, so we all win! So it definitely is possible, but I acknowledge that I really did hit the middle-age dating jackpot with him!

My mums husband is 13 years younger than her.. he’s actually closed in age to me than he is her. They met when he was approaching his 30’s. My mum actually wanted another child but wasn’t able to conceive - myself and my siblings were all a decent age when they met, youngest being about 10 at the time.

He obviously agreed to have a child with her at the time but once they established it wasn’t going to happen nothing really came of it. It’s been spoken about a few times and he’s always said the same; we are enough, he sees us as his children and now me and my brother have children he is pleased to be a grandad; is very close with us and our kids.

We don’t call him dad, we were too old for that when he came into our lives. But we do refer to him as our step father, and he refers to us as either step daughters/daughters/kids ect.

He doesn’t feel robbed of having children, he proposed and married my mum years after they knew he wouldn’t have children of his own.

I don’t believe in the ‘you either want kids or you don’t’ - I do believe that for some people it depends on happiness and fulfilment in other aspects of life.

My only experience is that when I was OLD, I dated one guy who didn't have any children. He said he would quite like time one day but was also fine if he didn't (we were late 30's). I already had two children and didn't want any more.

We didn't date for long so it never became an issue in terms of whether he changed his mind but we didn't continue dating ultimately because he just didn't 'get it'. He always wanted to make plans last minute and I just couldn't do that with children.

I mean it's far too early for me to say I have aspirations of him being a father figure to DD, that will not happen ANY time soon. I want to keep my relationship very separate from my family life.
However, I am not completely opposed to it somewhere far down the line if things naturally progress.
DD has never had a stable father figure in her life so until I felt completely sure this was a relationship as close to life as I could get then there would be no introducing of him to her.
I suppose there is a lot to weigh up.

My boyfriend has no kids, I have two age 3 and 6. We can definitely see a future together. We are both early-mid 30s and he's just never met the right person to think about kids. He hasn't met mine yet but he will do, and he is both nervous and excited in equal measure to meet them! It most definitely can work. Right from the start he has been so clear and interested in my life as a mum, he asks about the kids lots, and he simply accepts that motherhood is part of me, and it's me he loves 😊 We both see the introduction of my kids as another milestone that will happen when we both feel it right for all four of us.

My friend did this and married hers, they're very happy. He would have liked a child of his own but finding the woman he loved didn't happen in time for that to be his path and he accepts that, they are a happy family unit of 3.

You are over thinking it. Enjoy dating, you are not in a hurry to play happy family. He is a grown man and can manage his own expectations and decisions re children. You told him you have a child and don't want any more. Your part is done, you are not responsible for his potential limitations and regrets